Wednesday, March 07, 2007

Updated Ministerial Batting Order

Perfidy

As our loyal reader knows…

*ahem*

That is, as our loyal readers know, the addition of Mapgirl to the Ministry creates tremendous opportunities for everyone concerned.  Most immediately, it allows for Perfidious output to triple, with now three ministers posting regularly.  The Ministry gets Mapgirl’s fanbase from her prior solo albums, while Maps gets to learn more than she ever cared to about whiny white boys.

Now, aside from having to add a lady’s room to the Ministry Culture Bunker and Catastratorium (a real drag trying to find entities willing to work on plumbing so deep underground, by the way- something about disturbing the dreams of the dread Quul-ka-gaar, who lies somewhere between sleep and death, totally blind yet needing only a faint scent of blood or sound of a beating heart- which he can sense miles through the very rock itself- to awaken and devour all who dare venture near his subterranean lair ((itself a semi-sentient entity named Gulgortekiket, which rendered from the archaic primeval speech is something like “Womb of Unseeing Horror")) with venom and fang, claw and spike.  At least, I think that’s what they said; I really didn’t understand most of their gibberish), we do get the flair of a woman’s touch to the place.  You’d be amazed, really, what some window treatments (for the bunker’s simulated windows) and throw pillows (for the bunker’s simulated furniture) really can do to an apocalyptic refuge.  Really.

There is also the little matter of promotion among the Ministers.  With Mapgirl on board, the Ministry announces the following changes:

Ross has transcended physical being and now exists purely as thought.  He may deign to manifest physically on occasion to post, but will usually opt to exist in your brain, expressing himself as a nagging feeling that you’re probably quite wrong.

Buckethead now blogs at Deity level.

Johno’s baked goods are now so tasty, they roll in the Shift-X column against “bleh”.

GeekLethal will continue to post 6 times a year, whether he needs to or not, but will feel even guiltier about it.

Patton can live indoors now, but will still only be fed in his own bowl.

And Mapgirl will provide all fresh hot towels, drinks, clean dishes, and the relentless feeling that the other Ministers have done something wrong even though we haven’t and christ didn’t we just get you flowers like two weeks ago.

Please update your salutations and address information accordingly.

End communication.


Posted by GeekLethal on 03/07/07 at 11:07 AM
Perfidy • Permalink