Tuesday, February 08, 2005

This Week in Exemplary Human Behavior

Just So You Know

I am back from the dead.

Over the weekend I spent some time under the care of the Ministry’s crack team of gnostic chirurgeons. Most of them are refugees from our now-defunct Babylon office, and others are… well… let’s just say they don’t get out much and that’s lucky for us all. After exhausting all the powers of modern medical science to no avail, the Ministry’s medical staff went to work.  Twenty-four hours later, I was miraculously on the mend. Though not without a fight, our in-house healers were able to draw a quantity of fluid from my chest cavity (not without a fight… Linda Blair vomited less than I did… the powers of the old ones are strong… I wonder if this was all to do with that aging invoice I hoped they’d forget...), and I am feeling stronger by the day. Soon, once again, you shall all cower before me.

In my absence, I am both gratified and saddened to see that the innate pettiness of the human spirt has rolled on unabated. In this week’s quickie edition of This Week in Exemplary Human Behavior, we focus on the unremarkable: those stories that we could recycle at least twice a year without even trying. Perhaps next week we will see humankind aspire to greater heights of creative cruelty. Or perhaps we will not have to write this feature at all for want of suitably exemplary material. Suit yourself; I know which one I’d put money on.

Spotlight: Massachusetts- Defrocked priest Paul Shanley will die in prison after being convicted of repeatedly raping a young parishoner in the 1980s. Despite the ultimate thinness of the prosecution’s case (only one of four victims made it to the trial phase without either being dropped from the case or going into hiding), a jury convicted Shanley on the strength of reportedly repressed memories recovered by the plaintiff. The Boston Phoenix has spent a good amount of time documenting Shanley’s deep, deep weirdness-- including, for example, his perplexingly thumbs-up attitude toward bestiality and pedophilia-- which makes a good circumstantial case that the former “street priest” is at least a hobby-level sicko, but one witness’ recovered memories do not a case make.

There’s so much here to love: a creepshow priest; a jury willing to accept “memory recovery” as ironclad evidence; a diocese who, regardless of this one priest’s record, aided and abetted a casual kiddie-toucher ring for decades, privileging their own institutional comfort over the anguish of generations of helpless victims. Nice.

Spotlight: Los Angeles- Home of The the Angels Angels of Anaheim. What is it this time? Natural disaster? Mouthy limo-lib celebrity? Dead rap star?

Nope! It’s that old chestnut, appalling police brutality! In a story that will be no surprise to anyone who has ever driven I-5 at rush hour (or seen the Steve Martin classic, “LA Story"), the LAPD ended the stolen-car joyride of thirteen-year-old Devon Brown by shooting him. The Department’s defense is that Brown, at the end of the chase, backed his car into a police cruiser in a maneuver that we in Boston like to call “parking a little close.” The police chose to signal their displeasure at Brown’s novice attempt at full-contact driving by shooting into his car ten times, thereby stopping the car. Oh right-- and killing Brown too.

Like Uncle Jimbo said, “it’s all right to shoot anything, as long as you make sure to yell, ‘oh God, it’s coming right for us!’ first.”

Spotlight: Iraq- Suicide bomber kills 21.  Nothing to say that wasn’t said the first 200 times.

Spotlight: Saudi Arabia- Security officials from 50 countries elected to put the fox in charge of the henhouse this week, with the establishment of an international counterterrorism center to be based in Saudi Arabia. Now, I understand that the Royal House of Saud ‘n’ Waffles has a vested interest in quashing terrorism in their country because all those grassroots terrorist groups kind of suck the wind out of their own state-sponsered terrorist groups but really… do you put the fat guy in charge of the buffet?

Spotlight: Sudan- The UN continues to waggle the Giant Finger Of Blame at Sudan, charging that the Sudanese government really doesn’t give a shit about the ongoing genocide within its borders. If the Sudan does not respond to waggling, the organization is expected to move on to Sighing Aggressively. In other news, a new study by the United Nations Commission on Self-Justification shows that sighing saves, on average, 300,000 children a year from dying by machete or Kalashnikhov.

[wik] Did I really say we might never have to do this again? What was I drinking?! Here’s some more for you.

Spotlight: Florida- Via Julian Sanchez at Reason.com comes a chilling story of a Tampa couple who systematically tortured their seven adopted children. The official reports cite that the children were, among other things, were “subjected to electric shocks, beatings with hammers and having their toenails yanked out with pliers.” One set of 14-year-old twins weighted 36 and 38 pounds respectively, or about a third the normal weight of boys that age.

This height of depravity against children strikes me as a strong argument against God (what God would let this happen?), against evolution (what process of evolution would retain this impulse?), and in favor of enforced eugenics. But ultimately, I think this episode sits alongside many, many others of various stripes, flavors, and varieties as an incontrovertable, ironclad, and urgent argument against Florida.

(A fun final note: According to Florida law, the real threat to adopted children comes from the queers.)


Posted by Johno on 02/08/05 at 08:46 PM
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Wednesday, December 22, 2004

This Week In Exemplary Human Behavior

Lead Pipe Cruelty

Through which the Ministers warmly remember our mothers pinning our mittens not to our coat sleeves, but straight through our tender little wrists.


Posted by on 12/22/04 at 01:27 PM
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Wednesday, December 08, 2004

This Week In Exemplary Human Behavior

Just So You Know

In which attention is paid to the stupid, and makes the petty feel better about themselves.


Posted by on 12/08/04 at 01:37 PM
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Tuesday, November 30, 2004

This Week in Exemplary Human Behavior

Holy Shit!

In which the Ministry rewards its loyal readers with a seat on the Group W Bench, next to the father-rapers and mother-stabbers:


Posted by on 11/30/04 at 02:47 PM
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Tuesday, November 09, 2004

This Week in Exemplary Human Behavior

Lead Pipe Cruelty

For the week ending 8Nov04

Spotlight Thailand: Another week, another lost head.  This time, assed-up radicals in Thailand took the head of a village official in revenge for several Muslims killed in protests last week.  That there might be a connection between previous similar rioting, attempts to seize police weapons earlier in the month, and a harsh backlash by Thai police and soldiery was lost on the vengeance-seekers.

Spotlight Die Nederlaender: Dutch filmmaker Theo Van Gogh was brutally killed in broad daylight in Amsterdam.  The killing was done to exact revenge on Van Gogh for a film of his that is hrashly critical of certain aspects of Islam.  Surprisingly enough, the perpetrators of the crime (admitted radical Muslims) did NOT- I repeat, NOT- cut his head off.  But they DID leave a couple knives in the bullet-ridden body, one of which pinned a note of Koranic verse to the dead man’s chest.  What’s Arabic for, “blugh”?

Spotlight Taiwan: It’s well established that previous attempts to convert lions to Christianity in public arena-type settings have met with consistent, and gory, failure.  An intrepid zealot in Taipei, however, thought he’d take animal proselytization into the Third Millenium.  His modern take on the issue did yield some benefit, as instead of being torn to pieces he was merely mauled about the arms and legs, so the Church is voicing cautious optimism.  The lions in question refused comment.

Spotlight New Jersey: A Jersey Air National Guard pilot on a night training flight put 25 rounds of 20mm training ammo into an elementary school three and a half miles from the range.  First, more training appears to be needed.  Second, was it really an accident, or evidence of the Air Force’s new anti-school munition?  If the latter, double extra training is needed as the rounds barely penetrated the roof. 

Spotlight Virginia: George Mason University’s Associate Director of Equity and Diversity Services is a pervert.  Not only did he have an ongoing relationship with a boy (which started when the boy was 16), the guy made child porn vids of his other liasons and later tried to leverage the vids for extortion money.  He was arrested after being found unconscious in a DC motel.  Some Mason students report that they would be “uneasy about approaching his office if they needed help with sexual harassment issues.”

Spotlight Tejas: A 17-year-old boy from Mexico, staying with relatives in Texas, killed one cousin (age 10), slashed three other cousins AND their mother, then fled.  Two of the victims remain in critical condition.  Police said “some of the victims looked like they were trying to find places to hide” from the rampaging kid.  And what was the cause of this gruesome display?  The family accused the boy of using drugs.  DARE- to keep kids from knifing their entire family. 

Spotlight Freedom Hating Northeast: Johno submits that nothing’s funnier than combining jokes about secession with jokes about illegal settlements and security fences in the context of Red Sox Nation!!  Sneering liberal condescention, Sneering Northeast provincialism, and sneering equal-oppo Antisemitism and Antipalestinian derision… that’s some kinda trifecta. 


Posted by on 11/09/04 at 02:51 PM
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Tuesday, November 02, 2004

This Week in Exemplary Human Behavior

Lead Pipe Cruelty

For the week ending 31Oct04

Special Iraq-free edition! (the gnomes in our Baghdad bureau are spending a week decompressing on the Ministry’s dime in a hotel in Beirut.)

Spotlight Missourah: High school student Brad Mathewson was recently sent home on two separate occasions for wearing a “gay pride” t-shirt to school. In the ACLU press release, Mathewson notes that the school administration asked him “to go home and change shirts because someone might be offended.” Entertainingly, Mathewson’s observation that what he found offensive were the anti-gay stickers plastered on cars in the school parking lot, on notebooks, and often on other students at the school, fell on deaf ears.

Remember kids: it’s only hate if you don’t yourself believe it. Hate the sin, not the sinner. They chose that life of high-school ostracism and misery. Perverts cause herpes. And more stuff like that if you need to feel better about your deep distaste for gays. It’s not your hang-up, it’s theirs.

Spotlight Missourah (again): Hey! Want a mentally challenged slave to do your laundry? Call these guys.

Two people have been charged with holding six mentally ill patients at group homes and making them work against their will, authorities said.

A man and a woman were arrested Tuesday under a federal law banning involuntary servitude after 20 FBI agents searched two group homes in Newton, Kansas.

The agents rescued four adults from one home and two from the other, FBI spokesman Jeff Lanza said. The identities of the two people who were arrested were not immediately released.

The six mentally ill individuals had lived in the homes for “a long period of time,” Lanza said. It was not immediately clear what type of work they had been forced to perform.

The accused, I’m sure, would cite purely humanitarian reasons, arguing that washing windows for free builds character. Too bad there’s no “‘tard exception clause” in the Thirteenth Amendment.

Spotlight Florida: Vote early, vote often, vote with your car! Barry Seltzer of Sarasota, Florida, has some rage issues. While motoring along a busy street in Sarasota on October 27th, Mr. Seltzer happened to catch sight of shrill election-rigging harpy Katherine Harris and a knot of her supporters. What happened next is unclear. Witnesses say that Seltzer drove his Cadillac up onto the sidewalk and directly at Harris, possibly swerving to avoid her at the last moment. Seltzer, apparently trying for a first-ever gestalt of the Twinkie Defense and the First Amendment, argues “I intimidated them with my car… They were standing in the street… I was exercising my political expression!” The police naturally take a dim view of attempted vehicular homicide, and Mr. Seltzer is currently under arrest for same, a political prisoner and regrettable casualty of a system designed to disenfranchise the little guy and his Cadillac.

If the car don’t hit, you must acquit.

Spotlight the Interweb: We’re all pundits here, or at least fans of pundits. Why else would you be reading this here website? We are used to crafting biting commentary, sometimes rather heated, about whatever subject suits our fancy. Some of us (like us Perfidians) prefer a thin scrim of anonymity. The blog-o-sphere has seen its share of death threats (Emperor Misha), enraged denunciations (Eric Muller and the increasingly despicable Michelle Malkin), and just plain idiocy (everyone). But what happens when some specially-bred packet sniffing canine channeling data in some sub-sub-sub basement out in Reston happens to notice… you?

Livejournaler “anniej” was lucky enough to find out. In a post following one of the Parsdential Debates, “anniej” put up a post (since deleted) that in her own words “was a mock-prayer to God in response to Bush’s comment that he could feel it every time Americans prayed for him. I jokingly prayed for an aneurysm, and invited the “prayers” of others.” Little did anniej know that she was about to get a lesson in the pointy end of American Civics 101.

Stories have abounded this election season about the bubble of privacy around the President: protestors or gadflies channelled into “free speech” zones a quarter mile from rallies; Kerry t-shirt wearers being forcibly removed; people in queue to ask questions at Q&As being removed if their question is not a softball. Evidently the bubble is very large now, and transmissible over telephone lines. As anniej describes it,

At 9:45 last night, the Secret Service showed up on my mother’s front door to talk to me about what I said about the President, as what I said could apparently be misconstrued as a threat to his life. After about ten minutes of talking to me and my family, they quickly came to the conclusion that I was not a threat to national security (mostly because we are the least threatening people in the entire world) and told me that they would not recommend that any further action be taken with my case. However, I do now have a file with the FBI that includes my photograph, my e-mail address, and the location of my LJ. This will follow me around for the rest of my life, regardless of the fact that the Secret Service knows that I am not a threat.

[long list of advice, whys and wherefores redacted]

Now, at this juncture, I am not planning on making any kind of formal complaint with the A.C.L.U., as some on my friendslist have suggested. I did not feel that my civil rights were violated by the visit, and I did not feel intimidated by the Secret Service agents. I have, however, contacted an attorney simply because I want to ensure that my rights are protected in the future, and because the Secret Service were less than clear about what exactly can be construed as a threat and what would be done with my FBI file and any medical records they requested. I am not making any efforts to contact the media, and I doubt that I will in the future.

HOWEVER.

I want people to be aware that what they say on their LJ can cause problems for them in RL, because I love all of you and I don’t wish what happened to me on you. You are more than welcome to discuss this post in your journal, and you are more than welcome to link to it from your journal. If you want to post this in a community, go for it. Hell, if you want to put me on fandom_wank, it’s probably not a bad idea. The wankers would have a FIELD DAY with this. I know I would. Please, feel free to make an example out of me. So share this with your friends. Tell them what can happen. It’s beneficial to all of us to know that this can happen, and hopefully, it’ll prevent something like this from happening again.

Now, with all that said, I really, REALLY need some goddamn porn today. GAAAAAH.

Thattagirl. Look at some weeners and forget about the government.

Loyal readers may well now be asking “where’s the exemplary human behavior here?” I answer: when the Secret Service, whose solemn and sworn duty is protecting the President’s life, make housecalls based on prayers they read on the internet, it’s time to dial it back a bit. Don’t they know there’s a war on?

Spotlight Taiwan A discussion over weapons purchases in the Taiwanese Parliament last week spilled over into cartoonish violence when a food fight broke out among the legislators.

Opposition lawmaker Chu Fong-chi stood up and began shouting at ruling party lawmakers when she appeared to duck to avoid being hit by an object. She picked up a lunch box and flung it across the room at legislator Chen Chong-yi of the ruling Democratic Progressive Party.

Chen grabbed a lunch box and tossed it back at Chu, who had what appeared to be food stains down the back of her blouse. “My whole body smells like a lunch box!” she shrieked to TV cameras covering the melee.

The food fight, which lasted just minutes, left tabletops, chairs and the floor littered with rice and chunks of hard-boiled eggs.

Although every governing body from the town council of Possum Holler, Kentucky up to the secret cabal of plutocrats who comprise the Bavarian Illuminati is at any given moment no more than a thrown sandwich away from a food fight, actually throwing food is, shall we say, a little on the nose.

Spotlight Vietnam: Vietnamese government official Luong Quoc Dung is on trial for raping a thirteen year old girl to rid himself of bad luck.

Ugh. Moving on…

Spotlight Pitcairn Island In what must be some sort of record, half the male population of this tiny Pacific island nation were recently convicted of raping more than half the female population. In total, six men-- including the mayor (who leads the nation in both the political sense and the “sick bastard who raped the most girls” sense)-- were convicted of more than fifty sex abuse charges over the past 40 years, with some victims as young as five years old. In a cruel twist, many of the victims have come forward in defense of the convicted men, arguing that the island’s well-being will suffer for half the men being in prison.

Interesting fact: Pitcairn Island is populated entirely by descendents of mutineers from the HMS Bounty.

Spotlight Wisconsin: Woman digs up boyfriend’s remains; drinks his beer. Karen Stolzmann was arrested this week for the decade-old crime of graverobbing. When her boyfriend, Michael Hendrickson, killed himself in 1992, his ashes were buried with a beer and a pack of cigarettes. He had been in the ground less than a month when authorities noticed the grave had been disturbed and the urn and beer were missing.

Call me crazy, but that gives me a great idea for an ad campaign: “What would YOU do for a Michelob?”


Posted by Johno on 11/02/04 at 03:59 PM
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Tuesday, October 26, 2004

This Week in Exemplary Human Behavior

Lead Pipe Cruelty

For the Week Ending 25Oct04:

Spotlight Iraq: Since this feature began, Iraq has been a bottomless well of exemplary human behavior.  This week is no different.  Savages kidnapped Margaret Hassan, head of CARE International’s Iraq operations.  Hassan is part Iraqi herself, and has spent much of the last 30 years working in the country to help (according to the CARE homepage) “the world’s poorest communities solve their most threatening problems.” But Hassan is only the highest-profile prisoner this week.  Three Macedonian contractors captured in August were beheaded.  Perhaps the head chopping, self-imagined footsoldiers for Allah might be counted among the most threatening problems in Iraq?

Spotlight South Carolina: A Rock Hill, SC policeman used his taser to subdue a 75 year old woman who...ahem..."assaulted" him.  The woman refused to leave a nursing home after visiting hours and became argumentative when told to leave.  The cop claims the woman swung at him, despite her having “arthritis and six broken ribs”.  Tasering ensued, although why he couldn’t have just picked her up and tucked her under his arm I’m not sure about.

I might have wished for a taser once or twice when I foolishly put myself between an elderly phalanx of walkers, canes, and Rascals and the 3-for-a-dollar cucumber bin at my grocery store.  Warm cookie and macrame cozy grandma disappears; coldly shrewd and implacable ancient evil takes her place.  But I manage to get myself out of their way without actually having to, you know, electrocute anyone.  Sheesh.

Spotlight Pennsylvania: A man shooting at a mouse in his home shot his girlfriend instead.

One more time: A man shooting at a mouse...in his home...shot his girlfriend instead.

So.  His first instinct wasn’t to buy some traps, or get a fucking cat, but to take out his .22 and start shooting.  As far as I’m concerned, she got what she deserved by being so stupid as to hang around someone so improbably stupid.  Too bad the mouse didn’t skitter across his forehead when he was shooting.  We would’ve owed him and all mousekind a great debt by helping eradicate this contamination of the human genepool.

Spotlight Massachussesss: Boston is aswarm with historical places.  The city is aware of its history and that history’s greater relationship to the national imagination.  Boston and environs have pioneered living responsibly within important historical spaces in the evolving cityscape.  And most importantly, Boston has mastered marketing history to make money from tourists.  So it was just true to form that after a historic win in a historic game, the Land of Bean and Cod had itself a good, olde tyme riot. 

Lots of property damage, your basic flipped and burned cars, busted windows aplenty.  Not a few busted noses.  And one death: an undergraduate killed by a policeman firing a munition marketed as “non-lethal”.  Since the victim is non-alive, and will ever remain so, I urge Boston PD to reconsider non-lethal ammunition’s place in the force and treat it henceforward as lethal.  Because it quite obviously can be.

Meanwhile, at the University of Massachuessesss-Amherst, local police had their own riots to contend with.  There were at least 29 arrests immediately following the game, relating primarily to destruction of property, assault, and....oh yes, hurling beer cans of flaming liquid at cops.  Several thousand dollars will be spent to repair windows and replace furniture. 

The leaders of tomorrow.  Today.

Ministry safety tip: Kids, rioting can be a blast.  You can break stuff and steal things, maybe even bust a head or two, all in good fun.  You even get plausible deniability to the cops by being a nameless face in a crowd.  For precisely the same reason, you get to sound like a big man because you can say you were wherever you need to say you were to sound interesting to chicks.  And best of all, you don’t even have to be a malefactor- just being there is enough to claim anything for any audience.  But when you see a line of riot police with shields, faceplates, and mounted cavalry on the march, go home.  Come down off the telephone pole and go the hell home. 


Posted by on 10/26/04 at 12:39 PM
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Monday, October 18, 2004

This Week in Exemplary Human Behavior

Lead Pipe Cruelty

For the week ending 18Oct04

Spotlight Belarus: In keeping with recent refreshing changes in the public discourse of international diplomacy, Belarussian President Alexander Lukashenko has determined the American Congress not only to be “stupid”, but, “dumb-asses [who] don’t know what they’re doing”.  The remarks followed Congress’ passage of economic sanctions against his “tyrannical” regime.  As of this writing, Lukashenko has made no effort to distance himself from the outburst and has not blamed it on being taken out of context or on his Chernobyl-irradiated brainstem.

Spotlight Iraq: Two more men were beheaded in the cradle of civilization, this time two Iraqis. The victims confessed to being intelligence agents and warned their countrymen to eschew collaborating with the Americans.  Personally, I would confess to being a whole lot of things if I thought it might keep me my head.

Spotlight Louisiana: A physics professor at the U of LA-Lafayette went buck-nutty on his class, exploding into obscenities, weird drawings on the board, screaming, and even slapping one student, all for no readily apparent reason.  Students explained that when he’s done this sort of thing before (!), they would just wait and it would pass.  This time it didn’t pass. 

Note to prospective undergraduates: it is absolutely normal for faculty to rant and rave, particularly when denigrating Republicans, certain presidents, national agencies, capitalism, and combat leaders.  Had this occurred in a humanities course, I’m not sure anyone would have noticed anything amiss.

Spotlight New York, yo: Former rapper and Boogie Down Productions founder KRS-One declared that he and other black Americans cheered when 9-11 happened.  Mr. One tied his remarks to a sense of injustice associated with, as best I can understand his explanation, not being allowed into the Trade Center at some point, which also fed into being oppressed by RCA, BMG, and quite probably The Man himself.  He went on to explain that “suicide” is the only answer to America’s woes, although what that actually means is left to the reader to wrestle with.  As is the question of why anyone would care what KRS-One has to say about much of anything. 

Spotlight Massachusesss: Two 14-year-old girls invented a kidnapping story to cover their being out all night.  The claim sparked an energetic search for the fabricated scoundrels, which nearly resulted in two arrests.  The girls ultimately admitted to the lie and were charged for filing a false police report.  Kids, if you’re gonna sneak out, have a plan for sneaking back in.  I’m thinking more along the lines of a copied key and being aware of the squeaky stair, not a plan that involves the local police, state police, and a regional manhunt. 


Posted by on 10/18/04 at 05:59 PM
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Tuesday, October 12, 2004

This Week in Exemplary Human Behavior

Lead Pipe Cruelty

For the week ending 11Oct04:

Spotlight Sinai: At least thirty are dead and well over 100 injured following three bombings at two resort hotels in the Egyptian Sinai near the Israeli border.  Most of the victims were Israelis on vacation.  A previously unknown group, Jama’a Al-Islamiya Al-Alamiya (World Islamist Group) claimed responsibility, but our old pals Al Qaida are now the most likely suspects according to US, Israeli and Egyptian security forces, with possible connections to Palestinian groups or domestic Egyptian Islamic terrorists (the ones who did the Luxor hit back in the late nineties.) Names that have surfaced in the discussion include bin Laden’s second-in-command Ayman al-Zawahiri and Jordanian cum-Iraqi Al Qaida terrorist Abu Musab Zarqawi.

It seems that the Islamic terrorist world is linking arms and standing shoulder to shoulder to fight both the Little Satan and the Great Satan.  One could almost think this great coming together - this laying down of internal disputes to fight the common enemy - was a noble thing if it didn’t involve the surprise bombing of innocents.  I think that the terrorists are going to continue to have a serious public relations problem.  Maybe a little nonviolent resistance would get them sympathy from people outside the Chomskyite left.

Spotlight Iraq: Briton Kenneth Bigly was unsurprisingly beheaded by yet another group of Islamic funlovers.  It seems as though Bigley made a last ditch effort to escape but didn’t make it out.  Several Turks were also beheaded this week, showing that Islamic fundamentalism is essentially nihilistic, and will attack anything that looks at it funny.

Spotlight Spain: In what is described as a “fit of cannibalism” (as opposed to the chronic, continuing cannibalism) British ex-robber Paul Durant killed, dismembered and ate British tourist Karen Durrell.  Said Durant,

“Before I killed Karen I told her I had come to Spain where I was going to kill and eat pedophiles. My mental stage was breaking down at this stage. I believed God had delivered her to me…”

As laudable as his desire to end paedophilia is, we can only conclude that his mission was tragically unsuccessful.

Spotlight Hanoi: Distressed that former colonial subjects the Vietnamese are no longer speaking French, French President Jacques Chirac has declared that the world’s cultures are in danger of being “choked” by the American cultural hegemony.  Likening this to an ecological holocaust, Chirac warned that the loss of global cultural diversity would be a “catastrophe.” Therefore, he argued, the French are right to stand up to the brutish Americans, and continue to consume American movies, jeans, cigarettes, music, cars and TV in huge quantities.  To counteract the threat of a French cultural resurgence, we should expand the successful EuroDisney program, and build a Disneyworld in every single fucking French City, town, hamlet and village.

[wik] All of this puts France below Singapore – which while only the size of a piece of snot, is worth significantly more than a heaping pile of shit.

Spotlight Egypt: Back to the surreal and twisted world of the Religion of Peace, an Egyptian Intellectual has accused former Israeli PM Benjamin Netanyahu of planning the 9/11 attacks.  Sadly, these confused ravings are more common than many in the western media will ever admit. 


Posted by Buckethead on 10/12/04 at 08:58 PM
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Monday, October 04, 2004

This Week in Exemplary Human Behavior…

Just So You Know

For the week ending 4Oct04

Spotlight UAE: The Al Jazeera program “Counter Direction” devoted an episode to discussing the pros and cons of beheading prisoners.  The pro position won the day, if one can judge victory by the racous support the man had from the studio audience.  Think gory Jerry Springer, but substitute “beheading American mercenary dogs” for “Out-of-control teens”. 

Spotlight Saudi Arabia: In other despicable television news… A Saudi program did man-in-the-street interviews asking, “‘Would You, as a Human Being, be Willing to Shake Hands with a Jew?” and similar questions.  Read the transcripts. Non-hilarity will ensue.

Spotlight England: As of a week ago, police had not identified a woman found laying unconscious in the middle of a London road, bleeding from a head wound.  Police have asked for the public’s help in establishing her identity, and would especially like to hear from the drivers who swerved to avoid her body.  You might have expected the cops to start with interviewing the people who had rendered aid.  Except that there were no such people.  Couldn’t even be bothered to poke her with a stick.

Spotlight America: A former nurse’s aide, convicted and currently imprisoned for raping a comatose patient, actually claimed to a parole board that he did it to help the victim. Presumably with a straight face, he tried to convince the board that, according to his reasearch, pregnancy may have brought the victim from her decade-long coma.  Parole was denied, also presumably with a straight face.  Maybe the next time he’s raped in prison by skinheads, they’ll tell him they’re just trying to help.  Definitely with a straight face. 

And hey, speaking of skinheads, say what you will about their politics but they are starting to get a grip on their marketing and branding.  Some sort of Nazi record label has packaged 100,000 compilations to release to young people around the country.  Creepily dubbed “Operation Schoolyard”, the record apparently has several hate-filled broadsides masquerading as rock music.

Quick note to Nazis-first, if you’re trying to reach the MTV and younger group, rock music ain’t gonna cut it.  Unless you’ve got some good beats and skilled rappers, or at least someone half as fly as Usher, save your $$ for new flags and tanktops.  Second, the old-school Nazis spent a fair amount of time and energy trying to exterminate what they considered “primitive music”, like jazz, without which rock and roll would not exist.  Your movement’s intellectual forebears tried to exterminate the very music you now use to recruit young people into your movement. 

Grab your Langenscheidt and look up ironisch. 


Posted by on 10/04/04 at 04:44 PM
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Monday, September 27, 2004

This Week in Exemplary Human Behavior…

Just So You Know

For the week ending 27Sep04

Spotlight Iraq: No doubt about it: terrorists aren’t just crazy in the head- they’re crazy FOR heads.  Last week foot soldiers of the Religion of Peace killed three Iraqi kurds, possibly two Italian women, and at least two Americans by decapitation.  I’m just another kafir but I don’t remember anything in my Penguin pocket Koran about chopping people’s heads off to please God. 

And maybe there’s something in the water over there, but beheading might not just be for wild-eyed jihadis anymore.  Iraq Prime Minister Iyad Allawi reportedly threatened overfed firebrand Muqtada al-Sadr to cease his Najaf-based recalcitrance or lose his own unlovely head.  If the PM threatens it, does that imply it’s policy?

Spotlight America: Americans don’t traditionally take heads off but will kick them in on occasion, as demonstrated by an unnamed attacker at a Toby Keith show in Columbus last week.  Seems some wholesome citizen took exception to an “Operation Iraqi Freedom” t shirt worn by a soldier on convalescent leave from Iraq.  As he left the show, the bantam weight soldier (5’6, 130) was set upon from behind by a 6’, 200 pounder.  He never knew what hit him, and has no recollection of having his head kicked in while lying unconscious on the ground.  Oh, and fellow upstanding citizens in the vicinity of the fracas did nothing whatsoever to assist, except the girl the young troopy was with, who finally got into the fight.  Although he had made progress is recuperating from the injuries that sent him home in the first place, he is now also recovering from a concussion and broken nose. 

Note to unknown assailant:  funny how you picked a busted-up guy half your mass to ambush, you fucking turd.  Pray the cops find you before agents of the Ministry do. 

And speaking of people who’d like to cave your head in, a clutch of neo-nazis (not to be confused with the long defunct paleo-nazis) held an anti-war demonstration in Pennsylvania on Saturday.  Staged at the Valley Forge memorial (no specific reason is given for that choice of site), the demo decried the ongoing war in Iraq.  I had just sort of assumed that white supremacists would be pleased with the opportunity to kill brown people, and therefore be supportive of the war.  But in a worldview founded in a well-thumbed copy of the Protocols of the Edlers of Zion and fed by Al-Jazeera, superior white minds oppose the conflict on the grounds that it’s “Israel’s War”.  I wouldn’t think that neo-nazis are necessarily anti-war; they’re just anti-this particular-war. 

Maybe they’ll show at the next peace rally on the Mall...?


Posted by on 09/27/04 at 02:13 PM
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