Monday, August 23, 2004

Ministry Member Policy Update

Perfidy

The Ministry’s vast legions of overworked, unpaid migrant worker drones were hard at work this morning; chiseling names off a granite edifice with their teeth.  Why, one might ask, were these hard working and underappreciated proles performing work such as this; when they could have been laboring in the html mines, digging up web goodness for you, the gentle reader?  The reason is simple.  That sheet of granite contained the laser etched names of all those who have willingly become registered members of the Ministry of Minor Perfidy’s extended family.  (The Ministry is also curious as to why many of you do not have your name on that roll of honor.  The Ministry is keeping track of those who abuse the its generosity.  Our memory is long.)

Dark and unknown forces have shamelessly perverted the Ministry’s enlightened policy of openness and transparency.  Initial indications are that these forces are Russian, which does not surpise the Ministry in the least.  They have registered for membership not to revel in a sense of oneness with the Ministry’s goals and vision; but only to use that sacrosanct status to attempt to spam the innocent with invitations to disgusting, ill-designed, and tasteless porn sites.  (Nota bene: The Ministry might forgive invitations to well-designed and artistic porn sites.  The Ministry is well aware of the beauty of the unclothed female form.  But these sites require the download of malicious software, a practice the Ministry does not support or condone.)

Therefore, from this moment forward, all prospective registrants will be vetted by the Ministry’s crack team of investigators and busybodies.  Those who survive the rigorous and intrusive background check will be granted membership, an email confirming their new status, and their name will be laser etched on granite wall in the lobby of the Ministry’s headquarters.  Those who do not pass will live in fear, fear of the highly trained and lethal hordes of assassins at the Ministry’s beck and call; and praying that they will not be unleashed.

Those who pass muster will bask in the bright sun of comradery, and feel the warm joy of submission to the Ministry’s vision for the future.  As well, they will in time have access to special features unavailable to the unwashed masses.  The Ministry invites all those of sound moral character to register instantly, lest they suffer the consequences.

This message from the Ministry of Minor Perfidy
Thank you for your cooperation


Posted by Ministry on 08/23/04 at 04:33 PM
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