• Twenty Dollar – pure gold, 9.25g, about the size of a British Pound coin.  Worth $200 in current money.  Obverse: Liberty with sword and shield; Reverse: “Give me Liberty or give me death”

• Ten Dollar – pure gold, 4.75g, about the size of a nickel.  Worth $100 in current money.  Obverse: Eagle; Reverse: U.S. Space Series - Armstrong on Moon, Mercury Capsule, Gemini Capsule, Docked lander and Apollo Capsule, Space Shuttle, Skylab, Voyager, Burt Rutan and SpaceShipOne… $10:

• Five Dollar – pure gold, 2.5g, about the size of a dime.  Worth $50 in current money.  Obverse: Gouverneur Morris; Reverse: Seal of the United States of America.

• Dollar – gold/silver alloy, 8.75g, about the size of a pound coin.  Worth $10 in current money.  Obverse: Grizzly Bear; Reverse: American warplanes series: P-38 Lightning, P-51 Mustang, F-6 Hellcat, F-86 Super Sabre, F-4 Phantom II, F-15 Eagle, F-14 Tomcat, F-18 Bug, F-22 Raptor, F-35 Lightning II…

• Half Dollar – gold/silver alloy, 4.5g, about the size of a nickel.  Worth $5 in current money.  Obverse: John Hancock; Reverse: Liberty Bell.
  2¢

• Quarter Dollar – pure silver, 6g, about the size of a quarter.  Worth $2.50 in current money.  Obverse: Buffalo; Reverse: American Generals series: Patton, Sherman, Grant, Washington, Sheridan, MacArthur, Eisenhower, … Lee, Jackson, no Omar Bradley. 

• Dime – pure silver, 2.5g, about the size of a dime.  Worth $1 in current money.  Obverse: George Washington (from current quarter); Reverse: U.S. Capitol.

• Half Dime – pure silver, 1.25g, about half the size of a dime, and the size of the old 19thC half dimes.  Worth 50¢ in current money.  Obverse: Walking Liberty; Reverse: Independence Hall.

• Two Cents – copper/silver alloy, 5g, about the size of a nickel.  Worth 20¢ in current money.  Obverse: John Adams; Reverse: Statue of Liberty.

• Cent – copper/silver alloy, 2.5g, about the size of a penny.  Worth 10¢ in current money.  Obverse: Abraham Lincoln (image of his statue in the memorial); Reverse: Lincoln Memorial. 

• Half Cent – pure copper, 6g, about the size of a quarter.  Worth 5¢ in current money.  Obverse: Liberty Head; Reverse: Wreath.

Italicized coins would be relatively rare.  The Gold/Silver alloy would be about 4% gold.  Every coin will have the motto “Liberty” and the year on the front; and “United States of America,” “E Pluribus Unum,” and the value on the back.  The value will always be indicated in words, not numbers.  Americans should be literate.  The series of coins is not a bad idea, but we need some new topics.  The idea of the Buffalo is cool, and looks good, too.  So I combined the two.  The Buffalo, the Grizzly and the Eagle each get a coin and a series.

And while we’re at it, why not change the folding money?  I think the bills should be a little bit bigger, like the old money before 1929.  Maybe about 7 by 3, instead of the current 6.14 x 2.61 inches.  As for colors, screw the new colors.  We can add enough other counterfeit countermeasures to return to the traditional green for the front of the bill.  On the back, though, we could, conceivably, use other colors.  Some of the older bills had blue, orange or even red in addition to black for the reverse side.  I’m open to change there.

I’ve never been completely satisfied with the choices on our bills.  Jackson was a terrible president, and doesn’t deserve a place on the $20 bill.  Hamilton was important, but he’s worn out his welcome.

I think we need really large denomination bills again.  I know that electronic transfers make them largely unnecessary, but the idea is just too cool to pass up.  The new bills should have a portrait on the front, and a painting that is relevant to the portrait on the back.  And the portrait should have a oval border around it, like we used to have. 

So, a new order for the paper money:

• One Dollar Bill – ($10 in current money); Obverse: George Washington; Reverse: Washington Crossing the Delaware.

• Two Dollar Bill – ($20 in current money); Obverse: Thomas Jefferson; Reverse: Declaration Signing.  (Same as current $2 bill.)

• Five Dollar Bill – ($50 in current money); Obverse: Abraham Lincoln; Reverse: Surrender at Appomattox.  (Screw the southern prideniks.)

• Ten Dollar Bill – ($100 in current money); Obverse: FDR; Reverse: Engraving of Iwo Jima flag-raising.  (Screw the japs.)

• Twenty Dollar Bill – ($200 in current money); Obverse: Ronald Reagan; Reverse: Engraving of the Berlin Wall being torn down.  (Same to the commies.)

• Fifty Dollar Bill – ($500 in current money); Obverse: Albert Einstein; Reverse: Engraving of the Trinity nuke test.  (Same to the enviro-anti-nuke weenies.)

• Hundred Dollar Bill – ($1000 in current money); Obverse: Nikola Tesla; Reverse: Engraving of a couple Tesla Coils going nuts.  (Same to Thomas Edison.)

• Five Hundred Dollar Bill – ($5000 in current money); Obverse: Wilbur and Orville Wright; Reverse: Engraving of the first flight at Kitty Hawk.

• Thousand Dollar Bill – ($10,000 in current money); Obverse: Werner von Braun; Reverse: Engraving of a Saturn V rocket lift off.  (Screw anyone who says von Braun was a Nazi.  Maybe he was, but he became a good American.

How cool would it be to have a $500 bill with a picture of nuclear explosion on it?  Or pay for groceries at the whole foods store with a Reagan twenty?  Or carry fifty dollars in change in your pocket instead of a reinforced canvas bag, and each coin with a picture of an American warbird?  This new money would kick ass.

So there it is, the Buckethead plan for American monetary reform.