Thursday, April 26, 2007

I messed with Texas, and now I have a rash

Just So You Know

We’re moving into the home stretch here on Perfidy’s longest running series, alternative state slogans for alternate state people.  Today, we focus on Texas, a state that has, historically, been foremost in the republic for arrogance and misplaced judgments of its own competence.  Twice since independence Texas has not been part of the United States, a fact that is not well appreciated in light of Texans vehement protestations of patriotism.  Anyway, on to the ridicule and fun-poking:

  • I messed with Texas, and now I have a rash
  • If it’s good enough for Jesus, it’s good enough for Texas
  • Because Sometimes You Make Bad Choices
  • Se Habla Ingles
  • We Kill ‘em So YOU Don’t Have To
  • 95% More Texasness Than The Next Leading State
  • Crazy ‘Bout Guns!
  • Where everything’s bigger, except the IQ’s
  • Mess with Texas, and Chuck Norris will roundhouse kick you to death
  • All the oil, without all the burkhas
  • 49 of 50 states agree, Texas Sucks
  • Why?
  • More episodes of Cops filmed on location here than anywhere
  • Prone To Flooding
  • We kill because we’re frightened little girls
  • Have Fun Driving Through Us On Your Way To Nowhere!
  • We gave you nuculer
  • You Grill ‘Em, We’ll Kill ‘Em
  • If we secede again, you’re all in deep crap.
  • The Beefstick State
  • I can see for miles and miles and miles and miles
  • An execution a day keeps the prisons relatively empty
  • The Manhandle State
  • Swim to freedom!
  • The unconditionally affirmative frontier
  • Most, but by no means all, things are bigger in Texas
  • Better Behave, or We’ll Fry Your Ass
  • Because You Can Never Have Enough Churches
  • Come for the oppressive heat, stay for the flat dusty sameness
  • Texas, Schmexas
  • We Live to Annoy the Rest of the Country.
  • Enjoy Leaving!
  • More Mexico
  • Friendship, Except When Betrayed or Approached By Strangers
  • The Key To A Door You Don’t Want To Open
  • Yes, it is bigger.  You’ll have to step back though.
  • Everything Is Brown Here
  • Twice as loud, half as popular
  • We put the “Ex” in “execution”!
  • Texas: Your last, best defense against education.
  • The Dumbo State
  • Our state tree is the gallows.
  • We Let America See Our Bush!
  • The Great Horney Toad State
  • That chili’s not hot, you’re just a pussy
  • Don’t blame me, I voted Kinky
  • Steers and Queers
  • Y’all can go to hell.  I’m goin to Texas.  Damn, same thing.
  • Tuck Fexas
  • Welcome Wetbacks and Yankees!
  • The Criminal’s Lethal Injection Connection
  • The Big Freakin’ Hat State
  • More Crime Than You’d Think
  • Things look smaller in Texas
  • Poker? I don’t even know her
  • Texas: Come for the Adventure, Stay for your wrongful execution
  • Birthplace of the meanest president in US History.
  • Rodeo: a way for nominally straight Texans to dress in leather chaps and wrestle with animals
  • Wetbacks R Us
  • Of course we’re loners, who likes a loner?
  • It’s like a whole other planet
  • Gateway to Texas
  • New Jersey thanks God they’re not us
  • Our teenagers are the cutest!  Did I say that out loud?
  • Still proud of defeating Mexico
  • Oil, leather, cows, mustaches… It’s not what you think


Posted by Buckethead on 04/26/07 at 07:16 PM
Just So You Know • Permalink