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Crazy Foreigners

Thursday, August 31, 2006

Oh, really?

“Brothels take the sting out of pump prices”

When you see a headline like that, you almost don’t care what the story actually says.  In Australia, it seems, hookers do have a heart of gold.

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

Palestinians searching for real kidnappers

Two Fox journalists were kidnapped Monday in Gaza.  The Palestinians have, apparently, vowed to find the two journalists.  Palestinian President Abbas and Hamas Prime Minister Ismail Haniyeh have said that Security Forces are hunting for the two kidnapped reporters as we speak.  Somewhat ominously,

The prime minister assured the Fox News representatives that Palestinian security forces would use all their power to “put an end to it soon,” said government spokesman Ghazi Hamad said, without elaborating.

This is utter, unrelieved and irremediable crap.  I put more credence in OJ Simpson’s claim to be searching for the real killers on the golf courses of America than in the promises of the Palestinian “leadership” that they will find the real kidnappers.  Political theater, of a particularly tawdry, played-out and tiresome kind. 

Monday, August 14, 2006

Liveblogging the end of the zionist entity

How strange, I have a hobby in common with genocidal fucknut Iranian President Ahmijabbabber.

Friday, July 14, 2006

One last World Cup item, this quadrennium

Most folks, even those utterly disinterested in soccer, have seen the incessant replays of the head-butt that Zinedine Zidane laid on Marco Materazzi during the second overtime period of last week’s World Cup final.

It’s a story that won’t die.

Aside from endless regurgitations (like this one) about the right and wrong of the matter, it’s become an apparent staple that every smart-ass wants to get into an article, even those ostensibly unrelated to soccer, let alone sport.  An example, from a July 12 Wall Street Journal about Nissan, Renault, and the potential for a partnership of some sort with General Motors, with a focus on whether it’s too much to put on the plate of Carlos Ghosn, the much admired savior of Nissan:

Can he do that and run two other companies? This time at Renault, he has yet to work his magic. True, he has been there only for a year or so. But that is precisely why Renault shareholders want his attention focused on the French firm. They feel like their superstar has delivered a head butt to the chest.

That’s not the sort of tiresome cuteness I normally associate with the WSJ.  ...

Happy Bastille Day

Today is, of course, the French Equivalent of Independence Day.  Of course, French Independence day should properly be celebrated on June 6th.  Casual sniping aside, the French are a race of smelly perfidious backstabbers.  Happy Bastille Day!

Wednesday, July 12, 2006

Billions served…?

Among the myriad World Cup tales of soaring victory and crushing defeat; of passions, hatreds, life, love, death; of suffering and pride locked in the orbit of the all-consuming white and black ball, comes another story.  A story of practicality, fulfilling urgent needs, and micro-economics.

Leave it to the Germans, arguably the most industrious people in the civilized world, Europe’s own tireless ants, to put tailfins and new, uh,
rubber, on the oldest profession.

I give you the drive-through whorehouse.

Monday, July 10, 2006

Crazy Swedes

You’d have to be at least a little crazy to invent this.  It is however, strangely entrancing.

Thursday, June 29, 2006

Hey, people really do love us

Murdoc is on vacation and people have hardly noticed.  His substitute bloggers are doing such a bang up job, Murdoc might not even be invited back.  One example of the newfound puissance of the Murdoc Online, or rather three, is the series on America’s lesser known allies in the war on terror.  Most conscious citizens are aware that Great Britain has been there with us in proportionally large numbers from the start.  Those who are more conscious are aware that there are more nations with troops fighting along side, but are often hazy on the details, or only become aware of it when, say, a terrorist bombing causes a whole nation to chicken out.  Like, say, Spain.

Nicholas, who very occasionally blogs on his own blog, the Smell of Freedom, has done a bang-up job in gathering the details on these other troops.  In three installments, he has illuminated the contributions of Romania, Italy, and Japan; Poland, South Korea, and Georgia; and Australia, Denmark, and El Salvador.  Nicholas is himself an Australian, you can almost hear him choking up when he discusses the Aussies.

I think this is important.  While some have been pleased to ridicule the comparatively small contributions that some nations have made - I remember that one island nation sent two soldiers (out of a population of a few thousand, probably) - these countries are actively helping.  Which is certainly more than we can say for allies in name France, Germany, Spain (hey, weren’t they all fascist within living memory?) or for China and Russia, our strategic partners.  We have allies.  Countries like Poland and Romania understand what we stand for - because they were oppressed for decades by what we stood against.  Britain and Australia get it, but then, they are us, for reasonable values of “us.” I’m glad these nations are our allies.  I can’t say I’m really sorry to see France on the outside.

Tuesday, June 27, 2006

The Benevolent Chinese Government at Work

This is well worth reading. 

Friday, June 23, 2006

1588, 1521, 1492

Ministry Crony NDR posts a lengthy (for blogs) excerpt from The Life and Times of Mexico, by Earl Shorris that I find very interesting.  The three years mentioned in the title of this post are three decisive years in Spain, whose repercussions can be felt today.  At least one of the events of 1492 should be obvious even to a fifth grade drop out.  The other two are equally important - the end of the reconquista in Grenada, and the expulsion of the Sephardic Jews.  These last two set the Spanish monarchy on a course of intolerance and rigid dogmatism that would infect two other continents, and play a major role in the religious wars that bedeviled Europe over the next two centuries. The first, by way of American silver, provided the means to finance this.

1521 is not a date I was familiar with.  Rather than rewrite, I will excerpt the excerpt:

“The events of 1521, the third date, were to establish New Spain and set the pattern for its government. In that year the urban center of the Mexican world, Tenochtitlan, fell to the Spaniards and their Tiaxcalan allies, but of almost equal importance, the comuneros (townspeople) of Castille rose up in revolt. Fifteen Castillian towns gathered to petition the king for democratic reforms, perhaps a constitutional monarchy.

But there was to be no Spanish Magna Carta. The nobles joined their king in putting down the rebellion. The comunero leaders were executed, and as they died, the idea of democracy in Spain and its colonies died with them. There were no more democratic uprisings during the three centuries of Spanish Empire. The effective democratic movements of 1776 in the American colonies and 1789 in France did not spread to New Spain. The separate political paths of Mexico and its neighbor were set 250 years before Jefferson’s Declaration. The deaths of the comuneros had ended the democratic rebellion, and the tightening of the connection between the king and his nobles had begun an absolutist and centralist tradition in Spain, old and new.

Well, that seems to have great world-historical importance.  Many in the United States have wondered why American political traditions and institutions often fare so poorly in the nations to the south.  Well, it seems we have a concise answer right there.

The last date, 1588 is again a well known one, the year of the Armada.  The year that everything went south for Spain.  The weather was more to blame for Spain’s defeat than the English, but it did mark the beginning of the end.  Spain would remain a power in fact for a good while more - Spanish tercios played a major role in the Thirty Year’s War, but their role grew ever smaller. 

Fascinating.  I think I shall have to buy the book.

Nuke ‘em from orbit, it’s the only way to be sure

Picked up from Matt Yglesias, this Post op-ed from two former Clinton officials recommending that we don’t just shoot down the missile, but that we shoot down the launch site.  Before we get into the meat of the story, I find it amusing that Matt had this qualifier for the raging warmongering suggested by mssrs. Carter and Perry:

And, of course, Carter and Perry are veterans of the Clinton administration so one shouldn’t dismiss them out of hand as know-nothings.

I am much less partisan in my warmongering.  I take it as a given that warmongerging is a viable solution, and work backwards from there.

But on to the op-ed.  They suggest that waiting would be bad.  First, even if we shoot it down successfully, the North Korean engineers will have already obtained much of the flight test data they need to make more of these.  Second, and as we discussed in the previous post, the downside of a failed intercept is really, uh, down.  A cruise missile strike on the launch facility would destroy the missile, and little else.  It would guarantee that the missile launch doesn’t happen - as our precision strike capability is not in the least an unknown quantity.  And, it would send a message.  A good one, I think.

The South Koreans would oppose any strike on the North, however limited in scope.  Given their vulnerability, that is understandable.  To do nothing would be imprudent, though, as we have been trying a carrot approach to the North, and that is only half a viable strategy.  Hitting the missile after launch avoids the problem of striking the actual territory of a hostile nation, but at some risk to our future credibility of our deterrence.  All in all, I think that hitting the launch site seems the most reasonable, in terms of probability of success, and lack of serious downside.  Unless the North freaks out and invades.  But that, I think, is unlikely no matter what the provocation.  The Chinese won’t allow it if for no other reason than that they aren’t ready for a confrontation with the US.

Navy Shoots, Scores

The US Navy scored another direct hit in a missile defense test. 

The mock warhead was launched over the Pacific atop a medium range missile and destroyed in a direct hit six minutes later with an SM-3 missile fired by the Aegis cruiser USS Shiloh, the agency said.

“The missile successfully intercepted the target warhead outside the earths atmosphere more than 100 miles above the Pacific Ocean and 250 miles northwest of Kauai,” the agency said in a statement.

“We are continuing to see great success with the very challenging technology of hit-to-kill, a technology that is used for all of our missile defense ground- and sea-based interceptor missiles,” Lieutenant General Trey Obering, the agency chief, said in the statement.

That was the seventh successful test out of eight.  Call me optimistic, but a .875 batting average is pretty damn good.  Twice as good as Ted Williams.  And that’s good.  Looks like we have something like an operational missile defense system.  ‘Cause remember, we don’t have to launch just one.

Also of note, for the first time, allied military forces participated in the test.  The Imperial Japanese Navy sent the Kongo Class Aegis Destroyer Kirishima to help with tracking and stuff.  Japan is noticeably spooked by the most recent wackiness of the North Koreans, and has signed on for a bigger role in the larger US missile defense effort.  There has been some talk about us shooting down, or at least trying to shoot down, the planned NK launch of a long range missile.  The new missile, the Taepodong-2, has a suspected range of 9300 miles, which puts a goodly chunk of the United States in range.  I’m of mixed mind about the idea. 

If it worked, and we shot down their test, we’d have the warm happy feeling you get after administering an effective bitchslap.  On the other hand, it would increase, rather than decrease tensions.  On the gripping hand, that might be a good thing because the North Koreans seem to respond well to force, and not so much to the smooth insinuations of qualified diplomats.  So, that’s a wash, maybe, but leaning toward good.  The downside of course is that if we miss, we look like jackasses.  Pathetic, incompetant jackasses.  “Hey look at all the technology and money spent, and they can’t even hit one missile fired by perpetual loser North Korea.” And that’s the last thing we need.  Still, if we have a 99% chance of hitting the damn thing, on balance I say go for it.

[Wik] I wonder what the Brangelina thinks of a naval vessel sharing their spawn’s name.  But hey, its disarmament, one missile at a time.

[Alsø wik] Here’s a nifty page with tons of info on the North Korean launch site, and other goodies. 

[Alsø alsø wik] Looking at the map, it seems that with another 1000 miles or so on the range, they’d be able to hit just about anywhere in the world except for South America.  All the important places, anyway.

[Wi nøt trei a høliday in Sweden this yër?] While looking at some stuff for this post, I ran across this wikipedia article about Batting Averages.  Interesting.

[See the løveli lakes...] Geeklethal point out in the comments that I was not entirely clear about which naval vessel Brangelina’s offspring was named for.  The child is named Shiloh, after the USN ship that fired the missile that hit the other missile, and after the bloodiest battle in the Civil War.  A rather decisive battle, as it led indirectly both to the Union successes in the Western theater, and to Sherman and Grant achieving high command in the Union Army.

Wednesday, June 21, 2006

We Must Not Allow a Graphite Gap!

I think a conversation between the national intelligence leadership and the President over this article might be fun to overhear.

I think it would boil down to something like:

“Mr. President, Pennsylvania officials have intercepted an attempt to smuggle graphite.”

“Graphite?  How do you smuggle graphite?  I mean, wha...wha...you got your spray paint, you got your wall, you paint your name or whatever...”

“That’s graffiti, Mr. President.  g-r-a-f-f-i-t-i.  This plot revolves around graphite, g-r-a-p-h-i-t-e.  It’s a material with broad uses in industry, including the atomic industry.”

“Ah huh, atomic industry.  G-r-a-p-h-i-t-e.  I see....”

“Ahh, yes, sir...well.  To get to the point, some in the intelligence community believe this plot involved smuggling graphite in order to further nuclear programs in developing cou...ahhh...in evil countries, sir.”

“Ah huh, evil.  Graphite.  Nukular.  I see...”

“Intelligence estimates are inconclusive at this time, Mr. President, but ...”

“Ah huh, but.  Wait.  But?  But what?”

“Other national agencies sir are unwilling to commit, at this time, to my analysis.  They, ah, are leaning toward another interpretation.”

“Ah huh, terpuhtations.”

“Yes sir, they feel that graphite, on its own, does not indicate imminent nuclear attack by a rogue madman.”

“Ah huh...”

“They feel it could be...pencils.”

“Pencils?”

“At this point, Mr President, the intelligence community is divided.  Could indicate a desire to jumpstart a villainous nuclear program.  Could indicate a desire to manufacture pencils.  Tough to call at this point, sir.”

Thursday, June 15, 2006

Magazine banned, Patton crushed

Iran has banned Patton’s favorite magazine, The Economist, for lese majeste, in that the august publication dared to publish a map that referred to the body of water to south of Iran as “Gulf” rather than “Persian Gulf.” The National Geographic was banned a while back for subtitling Persian Gulf with “Arabian Gulf.” While I think that the mullahs have gone too far, I find myself in stunned agreement.  It is the Persian Gulf, that’s what it’s been called for quite a while now, and renaming it willy-nilly is not the perogative of jackass cartographers no matter who they’re working for.  Nevertheless, it is widely known that the Mullahs hate our freedom, so everyone go out and subscribe to the Economist so that the terrorists don’t win.

Sunday, June 11, 2006

¡Venceremos! ¡Venceremos! ¡Mexico, Mexico, ra ra ra!

I love cable television. I love that we live in the future.

I am about to watch a world cup soccer match between Mexico and Iran. There are a dismayingly large number of people in America today willing to believe that the populace of one of these nations is conspiring to overrun us and tekurjobs, and the other is full of people all working in concert to make New York into a glowing crater.

Both those assertions are, of course, bullshit. Bigotry and economic illiteracy aside, the United States does need to get a handle on all the people who want to come to this country, but not by sealing the borders tight. And surely there are many nuclear engineers in Iran working on things that mean bad news for us. But the main body of the populace of each of these countries are just people like people everywhere.

Right now, as I watch the Mexican announcers on Univision flip out as Mexico prepares for its opening match against Iran, all I can see is a bunch of people really happy to be from where they’re from, and ready to pin their national pride on a silly game. Some of you may know that I spent some time in Guanajuato as a teenager, and really dig Mexico as a nation, as a people, and as a state of mind.

I love that I can watch Mexican world cup action in Spanish, get the flavor of their fanaticism, soak in the love of the game, and launch myself off the couch screaming “GOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAL! GOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAL!” in support of my peeps to the South.  And given that the USA is hard pressed to make it out of the first round in a group that’s absolutely stacked with talent including a juggernaut of a Czech team and the Italians and Ghana besides, I might as well go ahead and throw my Cup support behind nuestros vecinos del sud.

¡Luchemos! ¡Luchemos! ¡Vencermos! And similar sentiments!

[Wik] Advertisements for Nexium (the purple pill) are just as silly in Spanish.

[Alsø wik] Latin American soap operas are priceless entertainment.

[Alsø alsø wik] Mariachi music is oddly compelling. Much like polka, which I find to be a balm to the hung-over mind, mariachi is somehow comforting yet energizing. I clearly have brain damage.

[Wi nøt trei a høliday in Sweden this yër?] Aside to Buckethead: you should know that I’ve started playing pickup soccer at lunchtime, hence my sudden interest in the game. I have realized that it’s as poetic as baseball and as exciting as football. The only drawback, the one thing that seems wrong to this American mind is this: no professional sporting event should ever end in a tie.

[See the løveli lakes...] Strikeouts, as Crash Davis said, might be fascist, but ties are socialist.

[The wøndërful telephøne system...] Unlike my esteemed coblogger Patton, I love our freedom. And I hate ties.

[And mäni interesting furry animals...] Patton likes ties, value-added taxes, international condom-size harmonization standards, national shoe production quotas, and Volvos.

[Including the majestik møøse...] Iran’s national anthem is quite lovely. I have no idea what the words are.

[A Møøse once bit my sister...] Evidently, the lyrics in English run

Upwards on the horizon rises the Eastern Sun,
The sight of the true Religion.
Bahman - the brilliance of our Faith.
Your message, O Imam, of independence and freedom
is imprinted on our souls.
O Martyrs! The time of your cries of pain rings in our ears.
Enduring, continuing, eternal,
The Islamic Republic of Iran.

So there you go.

[No realli! She was Karving her initials on the møøse with the sharpened end of an interspace tøøthbrush given by Svenge - her brother-in-law - an Oslo dentist and star of many Norwegian møvies: “The Høt Hands of an Oslo Dentist”, “Fillings of Passion”, “The Huge Mølars of Horst Nordfink"] Wait’ll you get a load of the lyrics to the Mexican anthem! Iran is all about submission to Allah and martyrs: Mexico’s is about fucking rivers of the blood of their enemies.

CHORUS:
Mexicans, when the war cry is heard,
Have sword and bridle ready.
Let the earth’s foundations tremble
At the loud cannon’s roar.

May the divine archangel crown your brow,
Oh fatherland, with an olive branch of peace,
For your eternal destiny has been written
In heaven by the finger of God.
But should a foreign enemy
Dare to profane your soil with his tread,
Know, beloved fatherland, that heaven gave you
A soldier in each of your sons.

CHORUS

War, war without truce against who would attempt
to blemish the honor of the fatherland!
War, war! The patriotic banners
saturate in waves of blood.
War, war! On the mount, in the vale
The terrifying cannon thunder
and the echoes nobly resound
to the cries of union! liberty!

CHORUS

Fatherland, before your children become unarmed
Beneath the yoke their necks in sway,
May your countryside be watered with blood,
On blood their feet trample.
And may your temples, palaces and towers
crumble in horrid crash,
and their ruins exist saying:
The fatherland was made of one thousand heroes here.

CHORUS

Fatherland, oh fatherland, your sons vow
To give their last breath on your altars,
If the trumpet with its warlike sound
Calls them to valiant battle.
For you, the garlands of olive,
For them, a glorious memory.
For you, the victory laurels,
For them, an honoured tomb.

CHORUS

So, I guess the lesson is, never date Mexico’s sister.

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