Perfidy Responds

Monday, April 24, 2006

Milblogger Conference

Perfidy Responds

The Milblogger Conference was a remarkable experience, despite the exigencies of scheduling and over-indulgence which somewhat curtailed my ability to participate.  I have rarely been in the presence of so many outstanding people all at once.  The people I’d already met - Cat, Blackfive, ArmyWife, were their usual charming and intoxicated selves.  And those I met for the first time at the pre conference drinking, the conference, or the after conference pub non-crawl without exception impressed me with their charm, enthusiasm, competence and desire to put themselves around as many alcoholic drinks as humanly possible.  But I shouldn’t give the impression that the whole thing was about drinking.  That was just a useful and enjoyable side effect.  The real work of the conference has been discussed elsewhere, but I’d especially like to single out a few of the many people I met. 

Uncle Jimbo, from over at Blackfive, is exactly what you’d expect from reading his posts, only more so.  An intensely fun and indeed loud individual.  And seeing Matt again was every bit as nice as I imagined it would be.  Stand up guys, the both of them.

Steve Schippert of ThreatsWatch.org, is a little more serious than Jimbo, but fascinating to talk to, and actually took the time to come up with a stunningly workable scheme to increase this humble website’s readership.  Even though I hadn’t (despite the pleas of many) actually gotten around to reading Threatswatch until this morning, You can be sure that I will be a devotedly regular reader from now on.

Murdoc, of MurdocOnline, whose pages I have filled with drivel about UAVs, made the trek down from the untamed wilderness of Grand Rapids, Michigan.  He totally pussed out on the Friday drinking, offering only a lame excuse – something about an eleven hour drive.  And I of course had to bail early on the crawl.  Hopefully, he can make it down to DC again, and if we are blessed with better weather, I will give him a real tour.

Deborah Scranton and Mike Moriarty, respectively the director and one of the cameramen/stars of the upcoming movie, The War Tapes.  Next time I’m up near New Hampshire, I need to hang out with these people.  Abandoning my conversation with Mike and Deborah was the most painful bit about bugging out for Easter.  Go over and look at the previews.

There’s some commentary trickling out, about the aftermath of the pub crawl, available here.  And check out OpFor’s podcast over here.  I know they changed their name because the name “Officer’s Club” was exclusionary, offensive and cumbersome.  But the new name always reminds me of the eighth grade joke - “Hey man, there’s a dikvor on your shoulder.” But maybe that’s just me.

A great time, and I wish I had been able to spend more time with everyone Saturday night.


Posted by Buckethead on 04/24/06 at 06:38 PM
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Wednesday, April 19, 2006

But Can I Still Read Comic Books?

Perfidy Responds

Via Fark I find this list of things a man should never do past the age of 30.

Some are perfectly sound:

Ask a policeman, “You ever shoot anybody with that thing?”

Ask a woman, “Hey, you got a license for that ass?”

Skip.

Take a camera to a nude beach.

Let his father do his taxes.

Tap on the glass.

Use the word collated on his resume.

But others make no sense to me. For example, why not

Hold his lighter up at a concert.

Shout out a response to “Are you ready to rock?”

Name pets after Middle Earth characters.

Publicly greet friends by shouting, “What’s up, you whore?”

Call “shotgun” before getting in a car.

Dispute someone else’s call of “shotgun.”

Purchase fireworks.

Say “two points” every time he throws something in the trash.

Purchase home-brewing paraphernalia.

Request extra sprinkles.

Air drum.

Choose 69 as his jersey number.

Eat Oreo cookies in stages.

The John Travolta point-to-the-ceiling-point-to-the-floor dance move; also that one from Pulp Fiction.

Refer to his girlfriend’s breasts as “the twins.”

Own a vanity plate.

Well… I have many, many, many very good reasons not to refer to my significant other’s, erm, chestal region, as “the twins,” and I would never do so, but as a theoretical notion divorced from any reference to actual chestal appurtanances belonging to any person either real or fictional, the joke still makes me, um… titter. As for a vanity plate, I think that Buckethead, who is even further from 30 than I am, would argue that a well chosen vanity plate can really hit the spot. Also, I have air drummed, purchased homebrewing paraphenelia, made 69 jokes, disco danced, and done the “two points” and “shotgun” routines all within the last month. And what’s wrong with that, really?

What kind of a world are we living in if a grown man can’t write the name “Heywood Jablome” on a petition, or make the same old funny-every-time joke whenever someone says they live in “Bangor”? Isn’t this America? And isn’t our crass brashness as much a part of our heritage as is the British stiff upper lip, German punctiliousness, French superiority, or the way Canadians think they’re being funny all the time?

I tell you what… every time you don’t slap a “kick me” sign on your buddy, belch the alphabet, bump chests after a touchdown, urinate on someone’s hedges, wear a backwards baseball cap in the Sistine Chapel, or loudly proclaim “yeah, I’d hit that” when looking at the Venus de Milo, you’re hurting America. Why do you hate our freedom? 


Posted by Johno on 04/19/06 at 12:46 PM
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Tuesday, April 11, 2006

Old home week

Just So You KnowPerfidy Responds

My mom, bless her heart, sent me the following via the internets.  No doubt you’ve seen things like this before.  Maybe even this one.  Your relatives back home probably sent you one.  But fear of repetition has never held back the Ministry.  Never.  If we give into fear, then the terrorists will have won.  And you don’t want that, do you?  Do you?

So here it is.  The top arbitrary number of reasons you will know you are from Cleveland (with commentary, thusly):

  • You don’t really know any homosexuals; you just know that there are a lot of them in Lakewood.  Hence the nickname, “Flakewood.” But they don’t hate gays, they just envy them their formidible interior decorating powers.  Which you would understand if you saw the interior of any house in Parma over by Rt. 42.
  • You know you don’t really have an accent, the rest of the world does.  Every newscaster in the country sounds like they grew up in Cleveland.  It’s true.
  • You hate country music, don’t know anyone that does like country music, and yet WGAR just won the music station of the year.  I didn’t like country music until I moved to the East Coast.  Still hate WGAR, though.
  • You take credit for Cedar Point even though it is 2 hours away.  Why not?  The best amusement park in the world is closer to Cleveland than anywhere else, except Toledo.  And Toledo doesn’t count.
  • You honestly believe that Cleveland is the best city in the world.  It is.
  • The Tri-C jingle “students for life” scares the hell out of you.  I think Cuyahoga Community College had some sort of perverse kickback scheme set up with all the guidance counselors in the region.  No matter whether you were a valedictorian with a 1600 SAT or some poor schlub who couldn’t pass woodshop, the advice was the same:  Tri-C.

Posted by Buckethead on 04/11/06 at 04:43 PM
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Tuesday, April 04, 2006

Binding contract

Perfidy Responds

"Repeat after me. I, state your name,”

I, state your name,

“Do hereby swear and affirm,”

Do hereby swear and affirm,

“That you’ll post a lit’l som’n som’n real soon now.”

Amen.


Posted by Johno on 04/04/06 at 11:31 AM
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Wednesday, February 08, 2006

Infidels We

Perfidy Responds

My esteemed coperfidian Buckethead recently reprinted a couple of the most tasteless Norwegian slanderings of the Prophet that have the least hingeful elements of the Muslim world feeling all smashy and burny of late. While the images in question are terribly offensive - a fact which ought to be obvious to anyone who wasn’t raised by wolves - I feel I must point out that smashing and burning are not the solution. This goes double if your grievance is partly that Islam is frequently depicted as a violent and xenophobic belief system.

However. If you must burn our embassy in redress for our crimes against your (curiously delicate) way of life (if cartoons are a dire threat and all), our embassy is conveniently located at 161st Street and River Avenue, Bronx, NY, just steps from the 4, B, or D subway lines.

[Wik] Link changed and made less funny because Google Maps is teh suck.


Posted by Johno on 02/08/06 at 05:11 PM
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Wednesday, February 01, 2006

You are not the beholder, no matter how pretty you are

Perfidy Responds

Murdoc’s a bright guy.  I know that because I read his blog nearly every day.  Today he transcended himself and came up with a profound little condensed nugget of truth.  While discussing the 38th anniversary of the Tet Offensive, and the still lingering effects of the stupendously biased reporting on it (we won that battle, in case you don’t know) Murdoc closed his discussion with this:

I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again. One man’s Tet is another man’s Bulge.  It’s all in the eye of the beholder, and don’t make the mistake of believing that YOU are the beholder. We are usually beholders not of events but of reports, and students not of history but of interpretations.  [emphasis mine]

That’s exactly right; and surprising in an era where awareness of media bias is growing, that hardly anyone - even on the right - really thinks about that.  That sentence should be a caption for every single media report, like a Surgeon General’s warning on a pack of smokes.


Posted by Buckethead on 02/01/06 at 01:20 PM
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Thursday, January 26, 2006

Habby Birthday, Mr. Blackfive

Perfidy Responds

I have been informed, by a reliable source, that it is Blackfive’s birthday.  I was informed by this reliable source early this morning, and I could have scooped the entire interweb on this important story had I not spent the first six hours of my work day in twenty hours of meetings.  Nevertheless, go wish him a happy birthday in a way that means most to bloggers - visit his site, then (if you don’t already have one) create a new blog and link him twenty or thirty times.

Then, link me twenty or thirty times for giving you the idea.

I recently had the pleasure of meeting Blackfive, and enjoying with him and two lovely ladies some excellent Malaysian food and about four hundred dollars worth of beer.  Blackfive is a standup guy, and I am honored to have met him.  So really, go over and say happy birthday.


Posted by Buckethead on 01/26/06 at 06:17 PM
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Monday, January 09, 2006

He’s Got More Theses Than Monkeys Got Feces

Perfidy Responds

The Ministry cordially extends its congratulations to Perfidious crony “NDR” of Rhine River, who has won an actual award for his weblog! In meatspace! From real people he met!

At the AHA meetings this year, a special panel on history-blogging named his series, ”The Geographical Turn“ the Best Series of Posts of 2005.

“The judges thought that, of the nominations, this was the best example of historical scholarship. It was a well-written, thoughtful and accessible essay about an important historiographical movement that may be unfamiliar to many non-specialist readers, while for academic historians it discussed a less familiar aspect of a well-known subject. As such, it represented an excellent example of the uses historians can make of blogs both to explore their ideas and to increase understanding of the past and of the discipline of history.”

Damn straight. It’s true that NDR is a stone badass (a self-deprecating, disarmingly modest and amicable stone-cold badass), and it is good to see him get a modicum of recognition for this.

Moreover, NDR and his lovely wife are expecting their first child. 2006 is looking like one fantastic year. Mazel tov and best wishes!


Posted by Johno on 01/09/06 at 06:46 PM
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Thursday, December 01, 2005

Sevens (meme thingy)

Perfidy Responds

NDR tagged me, so here I go.

Seven things to do before I die

* Own a bakery. Successful bakery.
* Learn to read and speak some form of Chinese.
* Visit China and Mongolia.
* Buy and enjoy the living shit out of a cabin in a remote area of coastal New England or Eastern Canada.
* Have kids and raise them to be impossible.
* Write and publish a book.
* Do a wanderjahr starting in Alsace and proceeding in a giant circle through central and southern Europe, through the Caucusus region into Turkey and the Caspian states, into Asia probably skipping Iran, on through to Afghanistan and Pakistan and back again through the -stans into Russia, Poland, and Germany and finally ending with one gigantic crazy party in Amsterdam. Johno isn’t messing around.

Seven things I cannot do

* fix a car
* laundry
* balance a checkbook
* play baseball
* write dialogue
* water ski
* be a salesman for my living

Seven things that attract me to my best friend

* She’s fiery and wickedly intelligent and calls me on my bullshit.
* Have you seen her? She’s hot!
* Hot, I tell you!
* She is willing to let me do the things that she doesn’t understand.
* She appreciates wine, food, books, music and films in different ways than I do, and likes to share her experiences.
* Her loyalty to her friends.
* Our deep mutual appreciation of Neil Young.

Seven things I say most often

* “Hey, man”
* “Marginally acceptable”
* “I swear to God”
* “That’s just how I roll”
* “Does whiskey count as beer?”
* “Fucken A!”
* “I could make this.”

Seven books (or series) I love

* “The Long Goodbye,” Raymond Chandler
* The Lord of the Rings
* “Le Gout du Pain” (A Taste of Bread), Professor Raymond Calvel
* “Maus,” Art Spiegelman
* “The Grapes of Wrath,” John Steinbeck
* “Lake Wobegon Days,” Garrison Keillor
* The “letters” sections of “The Atlantic Monthly,” “The Economist,” and “Penthouse.”

Seven movies I watch over and over again (or would watch over and over if I had the time)

* The Godfather
* Young Frankenstein
* Clerks
* The Big Lebowski
* P.C.U.
* Them there Lord of the Rings movies
* Good Will Hunting

Seven people I want to join in, too
Sleepy, Sneezy, Doc, Happy, Bashful, Grumpy, Sleazy (no really… I’ll update this with real people when I have a moment...)


Posted by Johno on 12/01/05 at 06:34 PM
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Thursday, October 27, 2005

Perfidy, in Space

Perfidy Responds

Perfidy will be broadcast into deepest, darkest space.

Thanks to Andrew for the cool link.


Posted by Buckethead on 10/27/05 at 05:31 PM
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I’m Not Above Outright Bribery

Crazy ForeignersPerfidy Responds

This year has been a really hard year for disasters. From the giant tsunami that struck Asia just after Christmas last year to the recent earthquakes and hurricanes that have spread misery almost as fast and wide as humankind could have done if left to its own devices, many terrible things have befallen the hapless and helpless populations of Earth of late.

But I have been hearing rumblings of “disaster fatigue.” Indeed, the Red Cross reports that, in the wake of the massive relief efforts mounted for Indonesia and Louisiana, relatively little charity has been left over for the Red Cross’ efforts in Pakistan, Guatemala, etc. Although money can only do so much, it can do a damn sight more than nothing at all.

So I have a proposition. If you, meaning “you right there with a Diet Coke, a gas station burrito and a Star Trek t-shirt riding up over your belly (I mean… with the snifter of brandy, the great hair, and the air of nonchalant cool that some would kill to possess),” donate at least $15 to the charity of your choice to help fund relief efforts in these relatively needful areas: e.g.  the Pakistan/India earthquate, Hurricane Stan, or indeed any one of the thousands of worthy and underfunded causes out there in the world trying to do their part, I will send you, meaning “you right there the benighted soul whose life is enriched incrementally each day as our perfidious electrons bathe your benumbed eyes,” two mix cds I have personally compiled from songs selected from among the 1,500 albums in my collection. I cannot guarantee each song will be new to you, but I can guarantee that you have never heard them in that particular order. So how about it?

(Offer expires November 31. Offer not valid in Albania, Uzbekistan, or Taliban-controlled areas of Afghanistan.)


Posted by Johno on 10/27/05 at 05:18 PM
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Monday, October 17, 2005

Rama-Llama-ding-dong

Perfidy Responds

Last Saturday in fashionable Old Town Alexandria we had ourselves a blogmeet.  I’ve gotten together with bloggers previously – notably the Cannons games with Rocket Jones but this was the first I guess you could say, official, blogmeet for yours truly.  I have noticed – and the participants Saturday amply confirmed this – that bloggers as a whole seem to be awfully nice people.  This is a happy conclusion to come to, because if I had discovered that bloggers were rotten, foul and murderous people that would reflect rather poorly on me.

Conversation was scintillating, humorous and chock full of interesting little tidbits of information.  Four Widmer Hefeweisens may have colored my perceptions, but it looked like everyone was having a damn good time.  In honor of their willingness to be seen in public with someone who goes by the nom de net of “Buckethead,” I will now link each and every one of them:

  • John of Texas Best Grok, who writes posts about obscure Cold War Era strategic bombers.

  • Rob the Llama Butcher makes up amusing conversations between other bloggers

  • Mike the Maximum Leader drove hundreds of hours through snow, sleet and Virginia drivers to make the meet.  He tells an interesting story of the death of the world’s greatest political theorist

  • I’d be glad to have a beer with Princess Cat anytime; but I’d have more difficulty explaining to Mrs. Buckethead why I was spending time with a, you know, woman than why I was drinking beers with a graduate student.  I mean, that’s what graduate students do.

  • Matt the blogless wonder doesn’t get a bloglink because he’s blogless.  He fit in remarkably well for someone who doesn’t share our particular social problem.

  • Dawn isn’t anyone to mess with.  She’s got an appointment.  [oh no she di’in’t -ed.]

  • I wonder whether this Lysander is modeling himself after this Lysander, or this Lysander.

  • Rocket Jones, who knows there’s two sides to everything, and especially Pringles. 

Thanks to Rocket Jones, for inviting me, and to John for being so important that people are compelled to gather around him, and to all the others for showing up despite knowing that I was going to be there.

And, for those who expressed interest, here is a brand new t-shirt. 


Posted by Buckethead on 10/17/05 at 05:43 PM
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Wednesday, August 10, 2005

Thirty-Wonderful!

Perfidy Responds

This is a public thank-you to the Buckethead Clan for the very generous (and thoughtful!!!) birfday present. However, Buckethead may wish to avoid contact with Mrs. Johno for a while: in her words, you are ”so dead!”

Between that gift and the homebrewing kit I bought myself with the rest of my birthday loot, I’d say I’m going straight to hell. See you all there.


Posted by Johno on 08/10/05 at 04:15 PM
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Thursday, July 14, 2005

Piquancy Marking Time

Perfidy Responds

When, in the course of human events, a blogger becomes so sclerotically enclotted with oversized ideas, high dudgeon, and essays that have metastisized beyond reason or control that he cannot face the prospect of one more minute of research nor one more hour teasing nuance from a dependent clause of a dependent clause, there is only one thing to do:

Linkfest!!!!

-- From Slate: “In just two short years, [The Department of Homeland Security] has clearly found its core mission – reorganization.”

-- From Winds of Change‘s Armed Liberal: A contrarian look at what drives terrorism, from University of Chicago’s Robert Pape

[Robert Pape:]The central fact is that overwhelmingly suicide-terrorist attacks are not driven by religion as much as they are by a clear strategic objective: to compel modern democracies to withdraw military forces from the territory that the terrorists view as their homeland. From Lebanon to Sri Lanka to Chechnya to Kashmir to the West Bank, every major suicide-terrorist campaign—over 95 percent of all the incidents—has had as its central objective to compel a democratic state to withdraw.

TAC: That would seem to run contrary to a view that one heard during the American election campaign, put forth by people who favor Bush’s policy. That is, we need to fight the terrorists over there, so we don’t have to fight them here.

RP: Since suicide terrorism is mainly a response to foreign occupation and not Islamic fundamentalism, the use of heavy military force to transform Muslim societies over there, if you would, is only likely to increase the number of suicide terrorists coming at us.

-- From James Taranto: a piece from OpinionJournal’s Best of the Web that contrasts nicely with the foregoing:

Why Do They Hate Us? That’s the question we’ve all grown sick and tired of hearing since Sept. 11, 2001. It’s not that the query is inherently objectionable; understanding what motivates the enemy is obviously helpful in wartime. But the people who ask this question almost never genuinely seek to understand; rather, they have their own axes to grind against the U.S. or the West, and seek to use the prospect of terror attacks to scare the rest of us into supporting their views. This we have dubbed vicarious terrorism.

Now and then a terrorist actually takes the trouble to explain his motives. London’s Daily Telegraph reports on the trial of the man who allegedly (and now confessedly) murdered Dutch filmmaker Theo Van Gogh:

Mohammed Bouyeri, a baby-faced 27-year-old with dual Dutch-Moroccan nationality, broke his vow not to co-operate with the Amsterdam court by admitting shooting and stabbing his victim last November.

“I take complete responsibility for my actions. I acted purely in the name of my religion,” he told its three-strong panel of judges.

“I can assure you that one day, should I be set free, I would do the same, exactly the same.” . . .

Bouyeri then turned to the victim’s mother, Anneke, in the public gallery, and told her he felt nothing for her. Mrs van Gogh watched as he read out from what appeared to be a statement: “I don’t feel your pain. I have to admit that I don’t have any sympathy for you. I can’t feel for you because you’re a non-believer.”

This had nothing to do with Israeli “occupation” of “Palestinian lands,” America’s “unilateral invasion” of Iraq, “torture” of prisoners at Guantanamo or Abu Ghraib, the widening “income gap,” or any of the other litany of complaints that the terror apologists trot out. Islamist terrorism arises from religious fanaticism and hatred, plain and simple.

-- From Balloon Juice: John Cole is doing yeoman’s work on the Plame affair, starting with the premise,

“ Valerie Plame worked for the CIA, was stationed in Washington at the time of her outing, and previously had been a covert agent.’ If you agree with that statement, say “Yes” and nothing more. If you disagree, state “No” and why you disagree (with reputable links to back it up).”

He moves forward from there. We are currently debating whether step 7 can be generally accepted as fact:

7.) Shortly after the State of the Union Address, Colin Powell, then Secretary of State, addressed the UN Security Council, presenting the administration’s case regarding Saddam Hussein.

The Security Council did not provide the authorization the United States had sought, yet Coalition forces proceeded to initiate Operation Iraqi Freedom on 20 March 2003. In the aftermath of the invasion, no WMD stockpiles were found.

This, and other developments we will discuss in other points, led to renewed focus on the intelligence used to advocate for the invasion.

[Yes, or no?]

-- From Boing Boing: The story of pyrotechnics experts who get together every year to have a - no kidding - fireworks war. And not in the sky, either. [wik]: Link fixed!!

-- From EDog’s Everything Page: Loyal Reader #0017(EDog) handicaps our chances in our current war based on past performance. Although any prospectus will tell you that past returns are no guarantee of future performance, I still think our chances are pretty fuck good. No permalinks; scroll down to July 7.

-- From Yahoo! News via Loyal Reader #0017(EDog): A chilling story of rampant falsified research among our medical research community, including several instances of falsified data and entirely fabricated studies making their way into peer-reviewed journals. Yeeesh. Make sure to have a private dick check out your PCP before your next checkup!

-- From Obsidian Wings: A treatise on the incredible silliness of Fox News’ favorite new term, “homicide bomber” and its various extractions, including the gobsmackingly tacky phrase, “...the first homicide attacks in Western Europe.”

-- ... and finally, from Slate once again: A defense of the smoking hot but irritatingly perky (tweeked? caffeinated?) Food Network host Rachel Ray. There’s nothing wrong with cooking with what you can find at the local Stop ‘n’ Shop (Safeway, Ralph’s, Giant Eagle, what-have-you).


Posted by Johno on 07/14/05 at 11:37 AM
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Wednesday, July 13, 2005

The Force Is Strong With This One!

Perfidy Responds

And a big round of applause for David, my sister’s first kid, who joined us just after midnight, July 13 2005. Three weeks late, and if he’s anything like his mother I’m sure it was out of sheer bullheadedness… “the hell I’m getting out of here!”

image

[Wik] For a moment I pondered being the jerkwad dinglebrat I am and posting this under the category “Darwin Award Contender,” but then I thought to myself, “why not give the kid a fighting chance?”


Posted by Johno on 07/13/05 at 12:25 PM
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