Perfidy

Thursday, March 16, 2006

Blogday Afternoon

Perfidy

The Ministry would like to extend felicitations to Murdoc, of Murdoc Online, which blog just celebrated its third blogoversary.  We would also like to note that for all his shameless backpatting, the Ministry is still five days older, and wiser.  If not nearly as popular.


Posted by Ministry on 03/16/06 at 12:59 PM
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Saturday, February 18, 2006

Carnival of the Recipes #79

EntertainmentPerfidy

Welcome to the 79th edition of the Carnival of the Recipes, hosted by your friends and eventual overlords here at the Ministry of Minor Perfidy.

This Carnival is a bit of a departure for us. For more than thirty centuries, the Ministry has been the leading institution for Eschatology (end-times studies) worldwide. We have been monitoring man’s inhumanity to man and measuring the potential for pan-species disaster - especially the threats posed by zombie invasion and giant fighting space robots - since before Hammurabi was in short pants.  We spend our days in the John of Patmos Memorial Library and Gift Shop staring into the chthonian depths of human depravity, and our nights in the Carl Sagan Observatory scanning the heavens for the sinister telltale glint of diffuse starlight on titanium skin.

All this gloom and doom does tend to wear on the soul. It is easy to lose perspective. As they say, when one stares into the abyss, the abyss looks into you. This is actually literally true, by the way; when one is involved in tendentious cross-dimensional profit repatriation negotiations with elder powers, you don’t have much time for pizza and beer. When Dread Chthulu is your opponent’s lead counsel these things don’t seem to matter as much as girding your psyche against gibbering madness from beyond.

However, it is important to remind ourselves that to most people things like pizza, beer, and volleyball do matter. When the apocalypse comes and the select few among you who we allow to take shelter in our Catastratorium, the nerve center of our global operations, need to eat, it is crucial that we have more than protein pills and MREs for you.

To that end, I have been leading a task force dedicated to perfecting the art of eating well under duress. Ancient crafts like brewing, baking, cheesemaking and animal husbandry are being adapted for long-term viability in underground caverns. Our best gnostic chirurgeons have teamed with our most elite scientists to make stunning advances in vat-grown meat and high-yield hydroponic farming. I think you will be well impressed, those among you who survive, when you are sipping a fine Dortmunder-style lager as the atomic bombs pound the surface far above.

For this, you see, is my stock in trade. My compatriots are stockpiling arms and radiation medication as we speak. And though I certainly have made sure I know where my 12 gauge, .45 revolver, and Louisville Slugger are, I also feel it is crucial to remember the finer things that buff the rough edges off a painful existence. If we met on the Serengeti, I would be the man in the impeccable linen suit with a camp table and a shaker of ice-cold gin. If we met in deepest space, we would dine in fine casual luxury on pizza margherita preserved indefinitely in hard vacuum and baked in the intense heat of fusion engine exhaust. And when the zombies roam or the robots maraud at will, when humankind must stand side by side with our greatest allies, the dolphin and octopus, to fight a proxy war against the menace that threatens to end us all, you (some of you, at least) will take some solace in the small homely comforts we provide.

For to live on in the face of disaster is merely animal. To live well, with panache and élan in the face of the grimmest apocalypse, well, that is human!

So come! Cross the threshold of the great double doors of the Catastratorium!

Come! Don a grey guest tunic and take a seat at the polished obsidian slab in the main cavern!

Come! See what elite guests have gathered for stimulating conversation and nonpariel apres-doom cuisine!

Come! Admire the unique and curious artifacts we have collected over three millennia! But don’t touch that! It would be better if that statute of Yog-Soth-Oth didn’t instantly cast your mind into insanity , don’t you think?

Come! Taste what toothsome delights our kichen staff have concocted, marvel at the astonishing variety of potluck the guests have brought!

Come! Raise your glass and toast the indomitable spirit of humankind!

To the future!

Now… what have we to eat??


Posted by Johno on 02/18/06 at 10:52 PM
Entertainment • Perfidy • Permalink

Friday, January 13, 2006

Reaching new heights of banality

Perfidy

The Ministry has passed a sort of milestone - the Top Ten Suggestive Lines in Return of the Jedi post was our 3000th.  It somehow seems appropriate.

[Wik] Sometime ago, we also passed the 10,000 comment line.  Of course, most of those comments are Johno and Buckethead saying, “hey, you’re right!” to each other.


Posted by Ministry on 01/13/06 at 01:45 PM
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Thursday, December 22, 2005

A Christmas Gift for the Ministry

Perfidy

You don’t have to buy anything, donate any money, or even think happy thoughts.  Just send us links for the upcoming Carnival of Tomorrow.  Futuristic, scientific, or even just weird.  Seriously.  Just send ‘em in, and we’ll call off the hit teams headed to your house at this very moment. 


Posted by Buckethead on 12/22/05 at 12:13 PM
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Wednesday, November 23, 2005

Happy Thanksgiving

Perfidy

The Ministry of Minor Perfidy wishes you a Happy Thanksgiving.  Unless you’re some sort of commie who thinks Thanksgiving symbolizes oppression and racism.  If that is the case, The Ministry hopes that you get a life, punk.  But for everyone else, if you are traveling, travel safely; give thanks and enjoy the turkey and most of all good company with those you love.


Posted by Ministry on 11/23/05 at 04:35 PM
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Thursday, November 17, 2005

I’m a winner, I can feel it

Perfidy

Over at Murdoc, I see that the nominations for the 2005 Weblog Awards are open, and will be accepting them until November 26th. 

The Ministry, thanks to its unique amalgam of political, military, cultural, and giant space robot coverage is far too broad-based in its topic matter to qualify for any of the stupid category awards.  Why do they hate our Freedom?

However, we are qualified for three categories:

  • Best Blog
  • Best Group Blog
  • Best of the Top 3501 - 5000 Blogs

So, get out there and nominate us.  Since I failed my save v. delusion this morning, I am convinced that we have a shot at Best Blog.  Nominate often.  Vote often.

[Wik] Also, nominate Murdoc for best Military Blog.  And nominate Rocket Jones for Best LGBT Blog.


Posted by Buckethead on 11/17/05 at 12:56 PM
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Wednesday, November 16, 2005

The International Obscurantist, Mark II

Perfidy

Inspired by a recent poll, the Ministry’s interest is piqued. We now wish to take the pulse of our readership and members, to get a demographic sense of the tastes and predelictions of the group. Please, take a few minutes to answer the following questions so that we may more accurately tailor our content to your (our readership’s) wants and needs and separate the wheat from the chaff, the literati from the glitterati, and the 1947 Château Cheval-Blanc St.-Emilion from the 2004 Yellowtail.

The questions follow after the break. Thank you for your co-operation; your timely compliance is expected.


Posted by Ministry on 11/16/05 at 02:59 PM
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Tuesday, November 08, 2005

Many are chosen, few are called

Perfidy

The Ministry is loath to admit that updates to the blogroll have been too long overlooked.  Nevertheless, the Ministry is making a clean slate by severely chastising those at the lower levels of Ministry Information Management services who have been deemed responsible for gross negligence and dereliction of duty.  Entirely new lackeys and yesmen have been acquired and are even now cleaning up the sticky reddish-gray gore that is the sole earthly remains of their predecessors.

Meanwhile, the troglodytes and gnomes chained to the rock face of the Ministry’s proprietary HTML mines have been working even harder than their usual twenty hour days to bring you a slew of hand crafted links worthy of your perusal.

To wit, a summary of the changes that have been made:

  • EDog, long an aspirant to Ministry Crony status, has been granted his fondest wish and added to that august body.  Ministry combat auditors deemed that his constant emailing of links was a major factor in his elevation, but his crowning achievement was suckering Minister Buckethead into joining the National Novel Writing Month.  Anyone capable of this sort of trickery deserves a seat by the fire at the Ministry bunker and catastratorium come the end of days. 

  • The Ministry’s crack legion of combat auditors noticed, whilst approving EDog’s supplication, that there was in fact a great deal of dead weight on the cronies list.  Two blogs, whose authors have been assimilated into the Ministry, were still occupying valuable real estate.  Henceforth, Spiral Dive and Opinion8 are stricken from the list.

  • Seeing that so much had been left undone on the Cronies list, a high level review was instigated at the highest levels of the Ministry.  It was quickly determined that three members of the Top Five list were no longer actively blogging.  Intolerable!  A Small Victory, Porphyrogenitus, and The Spoons Experience were immediately placed on injured reserve status.

  • Of course, this swift action left three open slots on the Top Five list.  Such messiness being intolerable to the clean and orderly minds of the Ministry, three candidates were propelled into the most selective blogroll in the sphere:  Gary Farber, Ezra Klein, and Naked Villainy.  The Maximum Leader probably owes Buckethead a beer, now.

  • Swiftly, like fire or unrest in third world capitals like Paris, the random purges and unfair promotions unfolded.  Next to be hit was the Ministry Legion of Merit.  Determined MIA or on Hiatus were the Airborne Combat Engineer, The Allah Pundit and Rachel Lucas.  Receiving the seven-orbed, five spiky-thinged copper-plated medallion of the legion are: Hubs and Spokes, Austin Bay Blog, Scrappleface, The Unpopulist, Hell in a Handbasket, The Fourth Rail, and Froggy Ruminations.  James of Hell in a Handbasket received special consideration because he lives in Columbus, Ohio.  Froggy gets on because he could likely kill us all.  Marc gets the nod despite living in Michigan.

  • Lastly, the links to Protein Wisdom and the Belmont Club are finally the correct ones.  And though the link to Allah Pundit’s old site now goes instead to a pathetic pr0n site, the Ministry includes it for mawkish and sentimental reasons.

This Message from the Ministry of Minor Perfidy
Thank You for Your Co-operation


Posted by Ministry on 11/08/05 at 03:35 PM
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Friday, October 28, 2005

Perfidy.  Is.  Music.

Music WonkeryPerfidy

The Ministry is pleased to announce that by the application of violence, cunning, trickery, fakery and acting crazy, and then through the exceedingly tricky ploy of just asking, the Ministry has secured the right to host the Halloween edition of the Carnival of Music.  Ministry operatives are even now scouring the interweb for fascinating nuggets of webby goodness to offer up for your perusal.  However, this is not enough to satisfy the Ministry’s insatiable lust for links.  Therefore, you, you and, you - the unshaven one in the back there with the goofy look on your face, yes, you! - all need align your interests with the Ministry’s interests.  The Ministry wants a nonpareil Carnival experience.  You want a nonpareil Carnival experience.  Therefore, send music links to , so that we may include them.

The consequences of not complying with our simple and oh, so reasonable request are unpleasant, and do not bear contemplation. 

This Message from the Ministry of Minor Perfidy
Thank you for your cooperation


Posted by Ministry on 10/28/05 at 01:38 PM
Music Wonkery • Perfidy • Permalink

Thursday, October 27, 2005

Announcement: Your Compliance Is Requested

Perfidy

The Ministry is pleased to note the attention brought to NaDruWriNi. All minions, readers, and hangers-on associated with the Ministry are herewith encouraged to make every effort to participate in this endeavor; only through concerted action will our enemies be driven in terror before us.

When the robots come your cooperation will not be forgotten; remember this act of kindness.

That is all.


Posted by Ministry on 10/27/05 at 05:15 PM
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Friday, October 14, 2005

Llama Party

Perfidy

Ted of Rocket Jones has invited yours truly to a little blog fest in lovely downtown Alexandria.  It seems that John of Texas Best Grok is in town for some seedy lawyerly interactions, and suggested getting together for some bloggy goodness.  Attendees will include half of the Llama Butchers, Princess Cat of Swift Kick and a Bandaid, The Maximum Leader of Naked Villainy, Ted’s spawn Mookie, Dawn of Caterwauling and my own bad self.  As Ted said, it sounds like the lineup at a Battle of the Bands at the Council Bluffs, Iowa County Fair.  I passed on the word to our resident Canadian Ross, who lives not very far from the bar we’ll be infesting - the Union Street Public House, and perhaps he will grace us with his goofy welfare state socialist self.  Perhaps others will be there.  Perhaps we will acquire groupies.  Anything could happen.

Anything.

[Wik] If you look at the DC Metro Blog Map, there’s another score or more bloggers who probably live within a few miles of the bar, and that’s just the ones that bothered to (or knew about) the blog map.  How about that.


Posted by Buckethead on 10/14/05 at 04:26 PM
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Friday, September 30, 2005

You have been chosen

Perfidy

Attend!  The Ministry has made crucial and important changes to the blogroll!  After a long and painful probationary period involving extensive background checks, lifestyle polygraphs and a couple anal probes, Ted of Rocket Jones has been summarily promoted to the exalted status of “Crony.” This act of generosity and selflessness on the part of the Ministry unfortunately has led to other, unintended acts of generosity and selflessness. 

The #12 slot of the Ministry’s top five list was now open.  After extensive deliberations, the Ministry select committee for blog roll changes (promotions and executions sub-committee) determined that Rand Sindberg’s Transterrestrial Musings should be elevated to that honorable position despite having a name reminiscent of a Futurama character.  His meaty space technology goodness (and offers of sexual favors to committee members) proved to be decisive in the committee’s choice.

This however, left yet another open slot, this time in the Ministry Legion of Merit.  Rather than reward the obsequious pleadings of the millions of blogs who have petitioned us for recognition, the Committee has deigned to recognize a very new blog.  Albion’s Seedling is a group blog founded in the last month by Jim Bennett, author of the notorious geo-political tome The Anglosphere Challenge.

Thank you for your Cooperation
This Message from the Ministry of Minor Perfidy


Posted by Ministry on 09/30/05 at 12:27 PM
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Tuesday, July 19, 2005

Behind the scenes at the Ministry of Minor Perfidy

Perfidy

Even though we Ministers might seem infinite founts of supreme wit, our creative process is not as effortless as mortals might be tempted to believe.

The Ministry of Minor Perfidy maintains a Conception Center, a clearinghouse for ideas, punchlines, titles, drafts, and other content thoroughly wrung from our stable of Muses.  And I mean thoroughly- we enslave only the most determined imps to wrestle the Muses into The Idea Crank, and only the most robust to turn it.

My personal Muse left me awhile ago.  She was fed-up with my deserted imagination, and fled for more…fertile surroundings.  She’s making Muse-porn now, but sometimes she crashes on my couch, after I don’t see her for a few weeks and she’s had an especially hard night in the city.  She tells me it’s purely for utility, what with my proximity to the sets she works.  On those nights I like to pretend we still live together.  I make pancakes in the morning, but she’s either already gone or still too hungover to eat.  But
it’s fun to pretend, and almost fulfilling…

I’ve probably said too much.  Moving on.

Before we even get to throw the Muses through the wringer, we oftentimes communicate with each other for direction, opinions on whether something’s viable, funny, stupid, or disgusting enough to post.

I went through some old diplomatic pouches that I found when I moved- they were all under the couch-where I found snippets of forgotten correspondence, and pieced together enough to share.  That is, the ones that were legible through the stains of blood and taco sauce, or in code for which I still remembered the key.  None of this was ever posted.

Herewith, then, a glimpse into the behind-the-scenes world of inter-Minister dialog:

“Not that you necessarily should have been doing anything you wanted to even when you could.  But the option is closed off.  Unless you’re willing to be a complete prick.  Which I’m not.”

“Your line about a ‘cereal’ killer is the punchline to a joke about a dead whore found with a banana in her ass.”

“I would never hope for happiness- I think that’s setting the bar a tad high, given past experience and current conditions.  But contentment- THAT might be reachable.”

“It is a nice feeling when I pick up something heavy, I feel muscle and not just pain in my arm fat.”

“But I’ll need some help because as far as I’m concerned a shrew, a mouse and a hamster are essentially the same creature.”

“I saw a radiation trefoil/bomb shelter sign on the corner of the building, so I assume that there is something in the basement.  Whether it is an active zombie shelter or not, I don’t know.”

“I almost got the cadaver collector job.”

“…except that nobody seems to like Massachusetts for some reason.  Maybe because we’re all assholes.”

“Oh, and the billboard on 95 that screamingly advertised a tacky trifecta: “FIREWORKS! CIGARETTES! HAM!’ “

“How does it feel to have looked Death in the eye, and having Him blink?  Ummm… knowing that he might be waiting for you at the next crosswalk, of course, and needn’t have bothered with inflicting a palsy on you.”

“You may not be Iron man, but you are at least ravioli man.  Not so low as noodle man.”

“Get… The Fake Menstruum!”

“But albino crabs sound like alfredo crabs, which sound my-t-tasty, and not half as threatening once boiled.”

“I feel like maybe we’re a band...like a band that has alot of talent and energy but no one to help us make the big album and go on the big tour.  Except we’re not about $$ and chicks and sweaty Jack Daniels t-shirts.  Um, right...?”

“Anything interesting, creative, or amazing I do in the entire year will happen between September and March.”

“Music, tapes, and apocalypse.  And shit, Isaac Hayes ruled the city- not only musical, but funky too.  A-Number-1.”

“Yeeeeahhhh....I grant you that the head/lap interface is historically a superior method of getting what you want.  I thought there might be a better way than me having to do it though.  You know, like a raffle or bingo or something.”


Posted by GeekLethal on 07/19/05 at 03:55 PM
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Monday, June 20, 2005

Holy shit, we’re a mammal

Perfidy

For the first time ever, the Ministry has broken into the ranks of mammals on TTLB’s blog ecosystem.  We are now adorable little rodents.  Thirty or so more links, and we’ll be marauding marsupials.  So link us.


Posted by Ministry on 06/20/05 at 03:27 PM
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Friday, June 17, 2005

A Sad Day

Perfidy

MommaBear, of On The Third Hand, is mourning the loss of her beloved PoppaBear.  My condolences for your loss, and you will be in my thoughts and prayers.  On behalf of the Ministry, we wish you strength and hope in your time of need.


Posted by Buckethead on 06/17/05 at 02:03 PM
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