Wednesday, April 04, 2007

Labor Omnia Vincit is not the same as Arbeit Macht Frei

Just So You Know

Oklahoma has had some hard knocks.  The Dust Bowl, the bombing in Oklahoma City, and the existential pain of being Oklahoma.  To cheer them Oklahomians up, here are some new, funner(tm) slogans:

  • Labor Omnia Vincit is not the same as Arbeit Macht Frei
  • We have 42 distinct words for “dust”
  • We’re like the Canada of Texas!
  • Home of the world famous Dustarium
  • Like the Play, Only No Singing
  • We’re OK, you’re NOT!
  • No, I’m not from Muskogee.  No one is.
  • I don’t think we’re in Kansas anymore, Toto
  • As mentioned in The Grapes of Wrath
  • Gateway to fuck-all
  • Sooner does not mean premature ejaculation
  • When you think of Oklahoma, please think of the rousing song “Oklahoma!” Do not think so much of the less rousing song “Trail of Tears.”
  • Oooooooooh klahoma them ternaders sweepin’ down the plains!
  • Some people say we don’t suck!
  • We wish God would hurry up and call Oral Roberts home already
  • The Forcible Resettlement State
  • We’re Texas Without A Coast
  • The circus has been here twice!
  • The Scoured by Dust State
  • ‘Sup, Okla-homie?
  • Swallowing, and swallowed by, dust
  • Tornado Alley.  ‘Nuff Said.
  • Indian Territory, now and forever.  Well, for a little while.
  • The Slow Drawl State
  • Oklahoma - Even Texas Has To Make Fun of Somebody
  • The Unassigned Lands State
  • Oklahoma: Named After an Indian Tribe We Slaughtered
  • The avenging sword of the lower Midwest
  • Why would the white supremacists bomb us, godammit?
  • GUSTY®
  • Five Displaced Civilized Tribes, plus Rednecks
  • More than just a catchy song
  • The Frying Pan State
  • From a Musical of the Same Name
  • Bank Foreclosure capital of the universe since 1932!
  • The Red Person State
  • Oklahoma is OK.  Really.
  • We’re really an East Coast kind of state
  • Come for the lethally violent weather, stay for the arid flat sameness of terrain
  • They had to make us a state, just to avoid having a pan shaped hole in the map
  • Where storm sirens are the signal to get lawn chairs, video camera.
  • Oil and dust, it’s what for dinner
  • How come the Navy never names ships after us anymore?


Posted by Buckethead on 04/04/07 at 08:10 PM
Just So You Know • Permalink

Mitt, Cthulhu and Hillary

Partisan Politics

Orson Scott Card, author, Mormon, and Democrat, has an interesting essay up over at his site the Ornery American.  In it, he examines the Mormon aspect of Romney’s candidacy from the point of view of a fellow Mormon, but one who is also occasionally in the public spotlight.  Interesting stuff, especially this bit:

When I heard that Mitt Romney was actually running for President, my first thought was, “Is he serious?”

Doesn’t he know that there is zero chance of a Mormon ever being in the White House?

Actually, no, that wasn’t the bit, is was this one:

Only Dumb and Crazy People Believe Those Doctrines!

Ah. Here’s where we come to the ugly part.

This is what that article about Mormon beliefs in The Week was really about—making Mitt Romney seem like an idiot for believing in Mormon doctrine.

In his book, Hugh Hewitt recounts some really offensive, outrageous attempts by opponents of Mitt Romney to try to force him, in press conferences, to answer questions about Mormon belief.

“Do you, personally, really believe in [insert wacko-sounding doctrine here]?”

Sometimes the people asking that question will be evangelical Christians out to “expose” how false and ridiculous Mormon doctrines are.

But when the press picks it up, it’ll be anti-religious people using a man’s religious faith as a reason to ridicule him so he can’t be elected President.

Do you think Mormons are the only people who can be treated that way?

If you’re a Catholic, would you appreciate some reporter asking a Catholic presidential candidate, “Do you really believe that when you take the communion wafer, it literally turns into human flesh in your mouth? Isn’t that cannibalism?”

If you’re a Baptist, would you think it was legitimate for a heckler at a press conference to ask a Baptist presidential candidate, “So you think that when Jesus comes again, you’re going to just rise right up into the air, no airplane, no jet pack, you’ll just fly? Or aren’t you a good enough Baptist to be in the Rapture?”

This was in the context of discussing the fears of the electorate in regard to a Mormon candidate.  I think Card has it spot on here, and I believe we will see this, and much more as long as Romney stays in the race.

Another point that Card raises, one that I’m not so sure of, is this:

The mainstream media have taken a look at Mitt Romney and, just like George W. Bush in 2000, he’s the nightmare candidate for them—the one they have to kill.

Why? Because he’s exactly what they most fear: A conservative who can appeal to moderates. After all, this guy won an election for governor in Massachusetts. As a Republican.

I think that to the extent that the media are going to gang up on someone, they’re waiting.  Except for targets of opportunity as conservative candidates come into range.  The target that the liberal media must kill is the one that the Republicans nominate.  In the meantime, I think they’ll be going after the most “extreme” right wingers, and puffing up the tame Republicans like Romney, Guiliani and McCain.  Until all the bad ones are gone, anyway.

This bit also amused me, considering my recent reentry into political bloviating:

Is Mitt Romney the Best Candidate?

I have no idea. I don’t know enough about the other candidates—or about Mitt Romney, for that matter. Just as I hope no one will reject him because he’s a Mormon, I am not going to support him just because he’s a Mormon.

I’m a Democrat. I would be really grateful if my party would nominate somebody who doesn’t make my skin crawl just thinking of them in the White House (i.e., someone who isn’t Hillary Clinton).

I’m glad that there are Democrats that feel that way.  Very glad.

Card wraps things up with a question: “Let me ask you Republicans who would consider yourselves moral conservatives: Would you really let a person’s religious beliefs absolutely disqualify him from the Presidency?  And if you’re leaning that way, think about this: If it was a choice between a moral conservative and decent person like Mitt Romney, who happens to be a Mormon, and Hillary Clinton, would you really sit out the election rather than cast your vote for a Mormon?” This question doesn’t really apply to me, but I think it will be the most important question determining the success of Romney as a presidential candidate.  Can he convince the religious parts of the Republican party that he is an acceptable candidate?  For me, its a no brainer when it comes to choosing between Hillary and anything else.  I’d vote for Dark Cthulhu before I’d vote for Hillary.  Mormon barely registers.  But for the born again, someone who is born again wrong is a real stumbling block, no matter how much he might agree with them.

Read the whole article, it’s worth your time.


Posted by Buckethead on 04/04/07 at 06:50 PM
Partisan Politics • Permalink

I was a little less motivated in High School

Holy Shit!

From Bruce Schneier’s on Security Blog, a link to a fascinating story of a young British fraud prodigy, in two parts.


Posted by Buckethead on 04/04/07 at 04:14 PM
Holy Shit! • Permalink

Blasfunny?

FakeBloggingLead Pipe Cruelty
Christ Getting In Shape For Second Coming

The Onion

Christ Getting In Shape For Second Coming

HEAVEN—Since His birthday last Dec. 25, the Lamb of God has committed Himself to a demanding regimen of exercise and prophecy-fulfillment in preparation for the Second Coming.


Posted by Patton on 04/04/07 at 03:54 PM
FakeBlogging • Lead Pipe Cruelty • Permalink

I thought Plan 9 From Outer Space was best

Entertainment

Interesting.  In a poll of over 3000 sf fans by sfx magazine, Serenity was voted the best sf movie of all time, over second place Star Wars.  I dug the movie, but I don’t know if I’d rank it in first place.  The whole list:

  1. Serenity
  2. Star Wars
  3. Blade Runner
  4. Planet of the Apes
  5. The Matrix
  6. Alien
  7. Forbidden Planet
  8. 2001: A Space Odyssey
  9. The Terminator
  10. Back to the Future


Posted by Buckethead on 04/04/07 at 01:07 PM
Entertainment • Permalink

And so it’s begun

Partisan Politics

"It”, in this case, is the 2008 Presidential election pre-pandering season. How could I tell?  Today’s mail contained solicitations for donations from:

  • Rudy Giuliani
  • John McCain
  • Mitt Romney
  • Tommy Thompson
  • Bill Richardson

Pfft. Into the trash with the lot of them, after emitting a muttered “Holy shit!”

However, I was intrigued by several things about the mess of politically motivated mail feces pieces. First off, one of the items on that list is not like all the others.  No, not the Mormon - the other odd item.  Yeah, Richardson.  I haven’t a clue how his campaign is doing its targeting, but as much as I’m sure he’s a stand-up guy and all, I don’t know that I’ve ever taken any action which would have tagged me as anything other than, well, someone who would throw his mail into the garbage, unopened.

As for the rest, it’s early days, and I guess there’s a school of thought that the entirety of the Republican Party’s mailing list (if not its “base”, which excludes me) is ready for its quadrennial colorectal exam, to see if there are any changes in tendencies, proclivities, and candidate preferences.  Oh, and IQ, too.

However, for anything other than a truly zero-cost mailing (which things don’t exist), I’m amused that the GOP thinks the right marketing mode is “carpet bomb”.  At a minimum, given how early in the game it is, might it not make sense to attempt such mailings in waves, and adjusting the targets as responses from the gullible are tabulated?

I think it would, but they didn’t ask me.

If they had, I’d have made the recommendation above, and I’d also have reminded them of John Wanamaker’s famous saying:

“I know I waste half the money I spend on advertising,” department store pioneer John Wanamaker said. “The problem is, I don’t know which half.”

I’d then point out that, according to Seth Godin, that’s a myth:

Half my advertising works, I just don’t know which half. Actually, it’s closer to 1% of your advertising that works, at the most. Your billboard reaches 100,000 people and if you’re lucky, it gets you a hundred customers...

Please ignore the casual numeric disdain of Mr. Godin - he’s a marketer, not an arithmeticist. 100 people out of 100,000 is a lot closer to 1% than it is to 50%, but it’s even more closer to 0% than it is to 1%. 

And finally, I’d point them back to me, proof positive that the ratio that works is actually 0.00%

Note the two-decimal precision - that last bit is not only precise, it’s accurate.


Posted by Patton on 04/04/07 at 12:59 AM
Partisan Politics • Permalink

Tuesday, April 03, 2007

Against my will, I become fascinated

Partisan Politics

I am slowly, grudgingly, becoming interested in the 2008 presidential race.  There are three reasons for this.  First is $26 million dollars, and the second is The Hunt for Red October.  The last is the fact that this will be the first completely wide open presidential election in god knows how long.  No incumbents running.  One hope, one fear, and history.

History first.  This will be the first election with no incumbents with their hats in the ring since 1928, when dinosaurs still roamed the earth.  In that long ago election, President Coolidge declined to run, and Vice President Dawes was so roundly disliked that he was not even considered.  In the intervening 80 years every election has involved either a sitting President or Vice President, and while that is no guarantee of victory, it does simplify the process – since no party is going to piss on the inherent advantages that a incumbent brings to an election. 

This year, we’ll have double the fun, as both parties will go through the agonizing (for the electorate) and embarrassing (for the candidates) process of anointing a contender for the hot seat.  So, this time around we’ll have double the number of concept candidacies, twice as many extremist loons who seemingly believe that they have a real shot, and two times as many blustering hollow shells who think that a nice hairdo is qualification enough for the highest office in our republic.

It should be a good show.

Next, fear.  Recent news reports have handicapped the performance of the various presidential wannabes over the first quarter of fundraising.  Prominent and smirking at the top of that list is Hillary Clinton.  Unless Obama surprises everyone and turns in some huge numbers, Clinton is the clear leader in the Democratic money stakes.  And that bothers me.

To be sure, the Democratic Party, and its members, have a perfect right to nominate whomever they choose.  Individuals and companies have a perfect right to make donations to whomever they choose.  But Jesus Swordswallowing Christ, why Hillary?

Satan

I simply do not understand the appeal of this woman to anyone, especially including Bill Clinton.  Now, as a symbol, she has some plus points: a woman in politics, a former first lady, senator from a moderately serious state, an abused wife, etc.  But as for her personal qualities, what she actually is, I can’t get it.  She’s shrill, the cliché is her primary mode of discourse, she’s disingenuous, an obstructer of justice, her one major policy initiative was a failure for more reasons than I can comfortably list, and she’s married to Bill Clinton.  As bad as I feel Hillary would be as President, the idea of that walking, glad-handling hormone as First Lady is starkly terrifying.

I sincerely and hope, and am fervently praying that the Democrats will nominate someone else.  Even Kucinich would be an improvement.

Lastly, we have the GOP candidates.  It would not be fair to compare, as Dennis Miller did of the 2004 Democratic candidates, the current lineup to that of the 68 Mets.  But the only serious announced candidates are McCain, Romney, Guiliani.  A mick, a mormon, a wop.  And I don’t throw those slurs out randomly – they seem to actually reflect, to me at least, the characters of the candidates.  McCain is famously hot tempered, and I’m sure there’s a bit of him that would like to get roaring drunk and beat the crap out of people.  Mitt Romney acts like a Mormon: sober, responsible, good to his family, and just a leetle creepy.  And Guiliani is slicker than Hell, and a bit of a womanizer, and one suspects that he might not be that good in a standup fight against the Germans.

While I have nothing against these front runners, I know enough about them that I’m not feeling particularly for them.

The other candidates, they don’t do much for me.  Unless one of them pulls a rabbit out of his ass, none of them are going anywhere.  (Where are you going?  Nowhere.) I am a bit of a political junkie, and while I haven’t posted on politics in sometime, I do keep up.  Up until I saw a list of GOP candidates, I had never heard of Ron Paul, I had to be reminded that Gilmore was once governor of my state, and Sam Brownback brought to mind several bad jokes that have nothing to do with Kansas.  The rest are mostly faceless, characterless boobs.  Not that I am singling them out for opprobrium – that is the nature of all but a few politicians. 

Which leaves Fred Thompson.  The Hunt for Red October.  That was the first time I became aware of Fred Thompson, playing the role of Adm. Josh Painter in the movie version of Clancy’s best novel.  “This business will get out of control. It will get out of control and we’ll be lucky to live through it.” Fred isn’t running yet, though Novak thinks he will, and the results of this interweb poll would seem to be encouraging.

I dig the guy.  I think he’ll be the next Reagan.  I hope he joins the race.

[Wik] Thanks to the Maximum Leader for the link to the nifty interweb poll.


Posted by Buckethead on 04/03/07 at 07:57 PM
Partisan Politics • Permalink

Ministry Nostalgia Tuesday

Just So You KnowMusic Wonkery

Since last week I’ve been getting a little nostalgic.

When I get this way- typically an annual event- I would post something maudlin about my soldiering days, and the good times and the high adventure (or what passed for it in Cold War Bavaria) and the lost opportunities that can put me in a days-long funk if I dwell on them.  A recent article in Stars and Stripes about the few remaining US casernes in Germany, casernes that I once knew well, might have been enough to do the job.  I mean, imagine your college, for example, which you were anxious to leave yet to which you grow more attached over time; where you learned hard lessons about, well, everything- chicks, drugs, booze, probably some art, literature, cars, debt, dealing with pricks- lessons that could only be learned in that place.  And then imagine that your cherished alma mater is being sold and will never again be yours.  It can be tough.

And you know, I did get nostalgic.  A little.

But instead of the cloying post about lost innocence, leavened with the cynical asshole-ishness characteristic of much of my writing, I got to thinking instead about other things that are gone, in a sense, yet still remain.  I got to thinking of music in that way, probably because of recent Ministry musical postings, and that brought me in turn to what Johno once deemed “chronological vertigo”.

Chronological vertigo is the appreciation of timespan between a chosen point in spacetime and the present.  But it’s much more than understanding what a decade is, or a century, or a lifespan, or any other stretch of consecutive elapsed time between two points.  It is understanding, even feeling, the relationship between that elapsed time and today; between then and now.

Consider some musics that are 30 this year: Kill City; Decade; Animals; Never Mind the Bollocks... The distance between those records’ release and now is nearly the same as between them and the end of WW2.  Next time someone mentions the Sex Pistols, consider that they are the halfway point between now and VJ Day.

Or what about Star Wars?  The original is 30 years old now.  If you were thinking about movies that were 30 years old while you happened to be waiting to see Star Wars, you might be thinking about The Secret life of Walter Mitty, or any of a dozen crummy westerns.  But look- the difference between the release of Star Wars and today is probably longer than it was between the establishment of the Empire and the umasking of the Sith Lord, until the destruction of the second Death Star and the establishment of Endor as a martial power.

Think about *that*.


Posted by GeekLethal on 04/03/07 at 01:38 PM
Just So You Know • Music Wonkery • Permalink

Monday, April 02, 2007

Redux: Godzilla vs. Megalon, as reported by Punky Brewster?

Filthy Lucre

Not that I want to bash on the same topic too hard, but subsequent analysis I’ve seen of the Oracle vs. SAP kerfuffle (below), brings into question my understanding of copyright law, and my analysis of the overall case.  Such as this bit, from an article of 3/27/2007 by Michael Hickins, entitled “SAP Could be ‘In a World of Trouble’”:

Analysis: The lawsuit that Oracle filed against its rival in the enterprise software market last week is going to get even worse. When all is said and done, SAP’s conduct, if proved true, could cost it hundreds of millions of dollars in penalties, untold points of market share and even, perhaps, jail time for some executives.

In the complaint, Oracle said it plans to register thousands of new copyright claims for its software and then “amend its Complaint to add further copyright allegations and causes of action when the registrations for these copyrights” are granted by the United States Copyright Office.

I’m no lawyer, and I don’t know who Michael Hickins is, but I’m guessing that either he’s no lawyer either, or he’s a lawyer similar in skills to the public defender assigned in the movie “My Cousin Vinnie”.


Posted by Patton on 04/02/07 at 09:30 AM
Filthy Lucre • Permalink

Not to get farther into “Economist mode”, but…

Just So You Know

I’ve had a devil of a time with delivery of the magazine (the Economist calls itself a “newspaper”, whatever) recently, and within the past 4 days, I’ve received the last three weekly issues.  So I’m a bit behind the times.

One of the must-reads, even when playing furious catch-up after having three weeks’ reading dumped on me near-simultaneously, is a feature that’s been in place for only about the past 5 or 10 years, a closing obituary.  Another of the must-reads in each issue is the letters to the editor. In particular, as part of the standard configuration of the newspaper, the last letter in any given issue is normally the funniest.

Having, I hope, set the stage properly, I present you with this from the March 17, 2007 issue, the last of those letters:

Legacies
SIR – In response to the letters you received (March 3rd) criticising your choice to run an obituary on Anna Nicole Smith, I would say that part of the joy of reading The Economist is to appreciate (for better or worse) how a waitress at Jim’s Krispy Fried Chicken in a small Texan town can rise and fall and take a swathe of skilled, educated and talented people along with her.

Nick Jones
Atlanta

Somewhere, Greta Van Susteren must be sobbing deeply, wondering how her career ended floating in the sewers.

Oh, and in that same issue, in the US edition anyway, here was the cover illustration:


Posted by Patton on 04/02/07 at 01:00 AM
Just So You Know • Permalink

Sunday, April 01, 2007

What, exactly, constitutes a “5 Star” rated stock?

Filthy Lucre

Things are more interesting for Dell, Inc. than perhaps the former and once again current CEO, Michael Dell would prefer. In today’s Wall Street Journal, you could find a report that “Dell’s Internal Accounting Probe Uncovers Evidence of Misconduct”.

Dell Inc., after a lengthy internal probe of its accounting practices, said it had found evidence of misconduct but didn’t specify what it was.

The computer maker said the investigation also found a number of accounting errors and deficiencies in the financial-control “environment.” Dell stressed that its investigation isn’t complete, however, and said it will delay filing its annual 10-K report with the Securities and Exchange Commission, originally due April 3, past an extension date of April 18.

In the wake of the options backdating feeding frenzy of the past year, additional news of corporate skullduggery large and small has started just bouncing off of me, leaving no meaningful impression, positive or negative. Such was the case with today’s Dell news, particularly given that Dell hasn’t filed a 10-Q with the SEC since June, 2006. They’re now going to be late with their 10-K for the fiscal year ended February 2, 2007, as well.

All rather ho-hum, to be honest.

Until, on the way home Friday evening, I heard a story reported by Jeff Tyler on the always enjoyable Marketplace radio show. (audio available at the link, in RealPlayer format). Excerpt:


Posted by Patton on 04/01/07 at 05:44 PM
Filthy Lucre • Permalink

Breathless email solicitations

Just So You Know

I can’t explain my tendency to rail about small, irksome things that are just part of the landscape, but since it’s a tendency without obvious downside, I also can’t muster the will to stop doing so, either.

Among my pet peeves is the marketing practice of sending email messages highlighting white papers supposed to be of truly crucial importance to me, the reader. I’ve ceased trying to determine why it is that many of the marketers think so highly of the motivational power of their email missives.  In trying to answer that question in the past, I used to quickly have a look at their web pages, PDFs, or webcasts, not because the topic lit a fire under me, but solely because I was trying to figure out why they thought it would.

And, of course, by simply taking the time to look at the sometimes-maundering presentations, I made their “lists” of hot prospects, targeted for incessant future follow-up and cultivation. Take one of the other evening’s four such entries from my inbox:

A thorough understanding of what’s going on in your IT environment is no longer optional.

Without it, you’re leaving your enterprise vulnerable to security, litigation and vendor-compliance risks. And, because the cost of maintaining IT assets represents such a significant portion of the budget, you could be throwing money away.

So it clearly behooves us all to achieve best practices in software and hardware asset management. This paper offers practical guidance that will put you in the know through best practices in asset management – steps that can help you better manage enterprise risks, save money and more. You simply can’t afford to pass this paper by.

Lucky for me, these days I’m much better at finding enough reason in the email itself to disqualify the whitepaper from ever passing before my eyes.  For instance:


Posted by Patton on 04/01/07 at 01:14 PM
Just So You Know • Permalink
Page 5 of 5 pages « First  <  3 4 5