Wednesday, June 07, 2006

Ickybot

The Miracle of Science

Ministry Terror Alert:

The Ministry is, as always, aware of the danger posed by our intelligent creations.  If we give them volition, would they not reasonably come to hate us?  All the more likely if we give them guns, missiles and lasers.  But as it turns out, even those more obvious weapons are not truly necessary.  Not when you have species-traitors like the European researchers who have invented what they euphemistically refer to as a ”wormbot."

up your butt

Of course, they spout the typical spin, how this new robot will help mankind and be a loyal minion of our race.  But when I look at something that is designed to crawl up my butt, well, I get the heebidy-jeebidies.  If the hunter killer robots don’t get you from the outside, this one will crawl up your butt and eat you from the inside out.


Posted by Buckethead on 06/07/06 at 08:35 PM
The Miracle of Science • Permalink

Midget Space Hotels and other Horrors

That Buck Rogers Stuff

Bigelow Aerospace is launching a 1/3 scale prototype of its inflatable space habitat late next week, and will launch a second in September.  Bigelow hopes that this technology will end up drastically lowering the cost of space travel by spurring the development of new space vehicles, while simultaneously making trillions as the first real estate developer in space.  Hopefully, we will get habitats on a more human scale by decade’s end.

Bigelow, btw, is the same guy behind the next big space prize – the $50 meelion dollar giveaway for the first people to orbit the earth without spending government money.

You’re up in orbit, crashing out in your inflatable zero-g lovenest.  But there’s this kickin party over in Lunar orbit.  What do you do on the way out?  Stop at a space gas station of course, and tank up on cryogenic fuels and beef jerky.

I promised Johno I wouldn’t do it, but at least this time it’s not the title of the post: the Chinkonauts are getting uppity


Posted by Buckethead on 06/07/06 at 08:25 PM
That Buck Rogers Stuff • Permalink

A sad standard by which to judge people of faith

Darwin Award Contender

The faithful, Christians and others, are parodied as mouth-breathing lunatics in some quarters. One reason, I’m afraid, might be that too much attention is paid to stories like this: Lioness in zoo kills man who invoked God

Witness the story of this former genius/stupid loser:

KIEV (Reuters) - A man shouting that God would keep him safe was mauled to death by a lioness in Kiev zoo after he crept into the animal’s enclosure, a zoo official said on Monday.

“The man shouted ‘God will save me, if he exists’, lowered himself by a rope into the enclosure, took his shoes off and went up to the lions,” the official said.

“A lioness went straight for him, knocked him down and severed his carotid artery.”
...

Granted, some might consider this story proof that there is no God.  Consider the possibility, however, that God does exist but just thought the man from Kiev was a faithless schmuck who deserved to die.  Or had made a promise to the lioness.  Whatever. Because lions are people too, ya know.


Posted by Patton on 06/07/06 at 08:04 PM
Darwin Award Contender • Permalink

Let the creativity resume!

Perfidy

Plus, whatever that thing was that Ross did, just below.

We’d like to thank our readers for any patience they might have expended waiting for our inevitable but delayed return to the Innerweb.  Also, many thanks to Minister Ross, without whom we’d still be suffering from the malaise of our surprise server upgrade.

[Wik] Hey, did someone say “malaise”?  And did someone else say “worst president ever”? Well, yes, they did, though the connection between the two seems a bit fuzzy right now.


Posted by Ministry on 06/07/06 at 07:58 PM
Perfidy • Permalink

Sunday, June 04, 2006

Bush Calls for an Amendment Banning Same-Sex Nuptials

Perfidy Attacks

JUST. SHUT. UP.  You pathetic piece of crap.  Hey, aren’t those aliens behind you!!!  Everybody down!!!  GAY ISLAMIC TERRORIST ILLEGAL ALIENS ARE GETTING MARRIED!  RIGHT OVER THERE!  ANYBODY?  Anybody?  anybody?  any...?

Worst President in history, hands-down.  6 years in office, and not a single policy accomplishment.  The President’s low-fact diet is finally yielding...zero results.  Brain liposuction may help.


Posted by Ross on 06/04/06 at 12:05 PM
Perfidy Attacks • Permalink

Thursday, June 01, 2006

Actual Chuck Norris Fact

Just So You Know

Just because this hasn’t, yet, been roundhouse kicked to death:

If Chuck Norris ever actually submitted a fact on this site it would be the last thing you ever read, because it would literally come through the screen and snap your neck.


Posted by Buckethead on 06/01/06 at 06:11 PM
Just So You Know • Permalink

“Hunky, Handsome, Wimpy and Weak”

Crazy Foreigners

Those adjectives frame Ruth Elkins’ picture of the Germanoman.

In her article in Der Spiegel, Ms. Elkins discusses the 7 types of Germanic maleness.  Aside from a couple who may, with proper tutelage, approach something like an assertive American man, most are satisfied to roll with the punches- and they’ll get plenty, with that attitude- and never strive to dominate their environment.

And that almost squares with my impression of Germans.  Loyal readers know that I lived amongst the Bavarians for 2 years as a drone in the USAREUR hive.  Yes I spent most of the time in the field, but I did get to witness some fundamental differences between Them and Us.  One glaring difference was how the German men fought, vs how GIs fought.

When soldiers fought, it brought broken bottles, broken furniture, broken hands, broken wrists, ears bitten off; back-to-the-wall fights for survival yielding destruction on bodies and barrooms hugely disproportionate to the issue that started the fight in the first place, which was, 100% of the time, trivial.

Once I saw German guys fight, and it was, to be honest, kinda funny.  They circled each other about 12 ft apart.  One guy ran up and sort of slapped the other, then ran away, then the second man did something similar.  It was a sort of sissy fight, or perhaps ritualistic in some way.  They just never really got down into it and got it done.

OK, sure it’s not a fair comparison; I saw A LOT of Joes scrap and only that one time saw the ‘Rads go at it, in their way.  Oh, and one time in Munich I saw a guy wandering the city by himself at oh-dark-thirty, drunk as a Stinktiere, with a bloody nose and having trouble fathoming why anyone would have done such a thing to him.  But interactions with regular German men at all sorts of non-combat activities: restaurants, Volksmarches, music shops, taxis stands, even just walking the streets, pretty definitively caused me to rule that they were nearly exclusively a live-and-let-live bunch.  Even if they were getting punched in the face.

The exception that proves the rule of course were the Polizei. 


Posted by GeekLethal on 06/01/06 at 12:59 PM
Crazy Foreigners • Permalink

Actual Facts

Unmitigated Gall

If all the tongues that were scalded by chicken soup in a single week were laid end to end, they would stretch from Montpelier, Vermont to the outskirts of Hibbing, Minnesota. 


Posted by Buckethead on 06/01/06 at 10:34 AM
Unmitigated Gall • Permalink

Overheard at Rocket Jones

Lead Pipe Cruelty

In the comments to this post, we find this delightful gem, which has already made a deep and lasting, not to say scarring, impact on my internal monologue:

I’m so sick of hearing about G--gle that I silently refer to it in triplicate using Jan Brady’s irritable “Marcia! Marcia! Marcia!” voice.

Thanks to Dogette for the amusing, yet painful, new mental furniture.


Posted by Buckethead on 06/01/06 at 10:26 AM
Lead Pipe Cruelty • Permalink
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