Wednesday, August 04, 2004

Sugar ‘n Spice ‘n Everything Airborne

Perfidy

The Ministry welcomes BlackFive’s daughter, Grace, to this material plane.  Although Grace will be missed on the Astral Plane, we are confident of her success and happiness on Earth.  Congratulations to the Paratrooper of Love and his family for the addition to their clan.

As a present for Grace, the Ministry is considering Baby’s First Fuzzy Wuzzy HALO Rig (which I believe is a Fisher Price product).  Other suggestions are welcome.  Indeed, expected.

End transmission


Posted by on 08/04/04 at 12:35 PM
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Tuesday, August 03, 2004

‘ludes and sh*t tickets

Entertainment

Hey, kids! Unky Johno has two bits of fun for you kids today!

First up, thanks to Phil Dennison, is a blog which currently-- and for not much longer-- has a recording of The Chipmunks’ Christmas Song slowed down to the speed at which they recorded the vocals. Did you know that Theodore is actually a baritone, Alvin a tenor (and possibly a child molester, by the sound of his voice), and that Tom Waits wrote the music? Must be heard to be believed.

(BRDGT (blogrolled to your left) is moving away from Boston soon to become a doctor (of history), and you better believe this’ll be on the Super Special Driving Mix I slip them before they go. On there about six times, i might add. A joke is funnier if it’s not funny anymore.)

Next is this gem of a beaut of a wonderful thing, thanks to Will Collier of vodkapundit who apparently has not sufficiently disciplined his inner ten-year-old.

My name is Johno and I approved this message.


Posted by Johno on 08/03/04 at 08:10 PM
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Lovedrug: Pretend You’re Alive

Music Wonkery

Being that I am from Northeastern Ohio I retain a certain pride in the region, especially when it comes to the music scene. Consequently, when co-blogcritic person Craig Lyndall offered me an album by Lovedrug, a new Canton band who, according to him, put on a beautiful live show, I jumped at the chance. What’s new in Canton?

Lovedrug are a four-piece group in the young tradition of Radiohead and Coldplay who have a few big things going for them-- a tight sound, a good producer, and a phenomenal singer among them. Unfortunately, their debut, ”Pretend You’re Alive“ lacks memorable songwriting and strong lyrics, leaving the impression of a band who has a lot left to prove.

A few tracks impress. The shiny surfaces of the opening “In Red,” the disturbing and violent lyrics of “Blackout,” and the Coldplayesque arrangment on “Candy” all hint at good things to come, but over the course of the album’s 13 tracks ear fatigue sets in and the high points get smeared into a samey haze.

As with most albums I review, I put “Pretend You’re Alive” on autorepeat and waited to get sick of it. After five or so straight times through, I wasn’t ready to chuck it in the bin (good news) but also hadn’t noticed a single transition between tracks apart from the album starting over (bad news). A few more listens and I still wasn’t able to tell the songs apart. Although not boring, there’s just nothing here that works too hard at being interesting. Although Lovedrug sound great (especially if you really, really like Coldplay) they play like a Saturday Night Live movie of the rock world—a really good four-minute sketch stretched very thin.


Posted by Johno on 08/03/04 at 02:55 PM
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Talking Nicely About Not-So-Nice Talk

Recent conversations with co-workers have turned to etiquette, manners, and other socially constructed behavioral governance.  We swapped some stories about rude people, rude places, and entirely rude populations.  I riffed a bit on the difference between being crotchety which, as a native Yankee I certainly am, and being rude, which I rarely am on purpose. 

Anyway manners are on my mind.  Who are the rudest people you’ve ever met as a group, ie Mets fans, cab drivers, retired accountants, French speakers, fat bastard Belgians...?  Where is the rudest place you’ve ever been?  That is, not necessarily the least developed, but where the population at large seemed universally ambivalent to your continued existence?


Posted by on 08/03/04 at 02:39 PM
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Prodigality

Just So You Know

Michael Totten is back from Tunisia and posting up a storm. Go read! Make sure you catch all his travelogue posts especially, as he has a real knack for lyrical and evocative descriptive writing.


Posted by Johno on 08/03/04 at 02:22 PM
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Your honor, we think he may soon be breaking a law!

Just So You Know

Orin Kerr of the Volokh Conspiracy (recently back from a long hiatus while he clerked in Federal Court) discusses the new hotness in Fourth Amendment jurisprudence: anticipatory warrants.

In a nutshell, if the police think you might have broken the law in the past, and may soon break it again, the 9th Circuit Court has decided that they may get a search warrant that they may exercise only after they think a crime has occurred. As Kerr notes,

the whole point of a warrant requirement is to have a neutral magistrate decide when probable cause exists. The decision to authorize the search is up to the judge, not the police officer. The addition of a condition precedent delegates that decisionmaking authority to the law enforcement officer, at least in part. Because the officer decides when the triggering event has occurred, the probable cause determination is no longer made entirely by the neutral magistrate.

Speaking as a layperson, that sounds right to me. The police and judiciary are two separate things, or so the opening credits to “Law & Order” tell me, and the lines between them are there for very good reasons. Correct me if I’m wrong, but if the authority to decide when probable cause exists resides even partly with the police, then the police are the final arbiters of order and law, and the courts risk becoming a rump, weakened in their ability to constrain police power. Eww.


Posted by Johno on 08/03/04 at 01:46 PM
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Catching a later clue-train

Partisan Politics

Various news sources are reporting today that President Bush is planning to accept two of the main recommendations made by the 9/11 Commission, namely the creation of a national head of intelligence and the establishment of a counterterrorism center to track specifically terrorist threats.

Great ideas! Several years too late, but great ideas. As a small-government liberal walking oxymoron, I tend to distrust the creation of cabinet-level positions (can we axe HUD, Labor, and Homeland Security tomorrow?), since the immediate problems they are meant to cope usually subside within a couple decades leaving the attendant bureaucracy hanging around like a very expensive third nipple. The Department of Labor, for example, was probably years too late in coming when it was established in 1913, since widespread labor unrest, internal labor-force migration issues, and worker-safety problems were decades-old bugbears at that time. But nearly a hundred years later, with its major work done, couldn’t the office be retired and its important continuing operations (such as labor standards and worker safety or government contract administration) be folded into Interior or HHS?

By this same token, although the creation of a cabinet-level internal intelligence position made sense in the dark days of 2001, it is ultimately a bureaucrat’s solution to the problem. Who but a bureaucrat could decide that the best way to cut down on bureacratic inefficency is to create a whole new, bigger org chart? Nothing against Tom Ridge, who has done as good a job as anyone probably could in a terribly difficult job, but everything the public sees about the Department of Homeland Security from the very name of the thing down to the street-level antics of the TSA and the constant gestures toward total surveillance is, so far, a crass and unfunny joke.

In my humble and fully-informed-by-hindsight opinion, what’s being done now should have been done in the first place, leaving faintly ridiculous discussions of “Homeland” out of it. (side note: homeland. My “homeland,” technically speaking, of NE Ohio, is already perfectly well defended by the tens of thousands of private gun owners. My “homeland” of Massachusetts is equally so. We’re not all peace-loving Kucinich voters here.)

Of course, this brings up a question. Last night I saw on the news that the President doesn’t want to make the “Intelligence Tsar” a cabinet post, because the office will need to remain independent from White House influence. Great idea, and good on W for taking that step. However, being the good tinfoil hatter I am, I would also like to see some concrete and simply worded language blocking this new office from becoming an American NKVD. (n.b. I didn’t say Gestapo on purpose.) Many Americans distrust government authority when it shows up on their Main Street, and the last thing we need is another reason to keep that up.


Posted by Johno on 08/03/04 at 01:09 PM
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Monday, August 02, 2004

Tom Ridge feat. DJ Orange Alert

Partisan Politics

Tom Ridge shows us how high Orange actually is on the deep-shit-o-meter. Given that all I’ve seen from Homeland Security so far is a) flailing 2) absurd and incompetent behavior from gubmint-hired security goons, iii) expensive turf warz between warring bureaucrats, and IV) the arrest of Cheech Marin for threatening a nation of millions with a hollow glass objet d’art, I guess I’ve gone a little funny in the head. When I look at this photo, I see a man inspired to bust a wack rhyme.

image 911 is a joke we don’t want ‘em
I call a cab ‘cause a cab will come quicker
The doctors huddle up and call a flea flicker
The reason that I say that ‘cause they
Flick you off like fleas
They be laughin’ at ya while you’re crawlin’ on your knees
And to the strength so go the length
Thinkin’ you are first when you really are tenth
You better wake up and smell the real flavor
Cause 911 is a fake life saver

So get up, get, get get down
911 is a joke in yo town
Get up, get, get, get down
Late 911 wears the late crown

[wik-wik-wack] Patton reminds me that it was Tommy Chong who got busted for glassblowing, not erstwhile partner Cheech Marin. Must be the Robitussin talking. 


Posted by Johno on 08/02/04 at 05:17 PM
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Perfectly Safe

Partisan Politics

As a stopgap before I resume regular posting, peep this item, found via Norbizness. Gov. Jeb ("X") Bush has assured Florida voters that Diebold, maker of Florida’s new paperless touchscreen voting machines, is a wonderful corporation fully deserving of Florida voters’ complete and utter trust. Funny thing, the Florida Republican party recently sent out a huge mailing to its list arguing the following: “the new electronic voting machines do not have a paper ballot to verify your vote in case of a recount. . . . Make sure your vote counts. Order your absentee ballot today.”

Yes, Governer X. It’s safe. Safe as houses. So safe, in fact, you should insist that your supporters only use Diebold’s Lean Mean Knock Out The Chads Voting Machine when casting their votes for you and the big brother who used to score you your blow. Accept no substitutes.

My name is Johno, and I approved this message.


Posted by Johno on 08/02/04 at 05:07 PM
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