Thursday, August 16, 2007

Some news

Perfidy

The code gnomes are once again hard at work.  So far, there have been three incarnations of the Ministry - an early, and staggeringly ugly blogspot version where we were known as Johnny Two-Cents; our first Perfidy branded site that ran on pMachine, and the one that you are looking at right now, running Expression Engine.  When we began considering relocating our hosting (as the ever-helpful Kathy Kinsley is now far too busy to devote much time to web-hosting) we also began to think that maybe a redesign was in order as well. 

So, currently we are experimenting with Wordpress, which we find to be an elegant, free and easy to use bit of software.  You, our public (assuming you are still there after several days of non-posting on the part of all six of our lacksidaisical Ministers - you’d think that having more ministers would result in more posts) can take a look at our evolving efforts here.  Any suggestions are welcome, and should be directed to Minister Buckethead.  (Email him by clicking on his name over there on the left.)


Posted by Ministry on 08/16/07 at 09:10 PM
Perfidy • Permalink

Thursday, August 09, 2007

For when the zombies come

That Buck Rogers StuffWar

Intrepid engineers - both amateur and professional - have come up with some prototype portable laser weaponry for when the zombies come.  And one of these projects is even one you can build in your own home workshop.


Posted by Buckethead on 08/09/07 at 02:00 PM
That Buck Rogers Stuff • War • Permalink

The Precious

That Buck Rogers Stuff

At around 2:00 yesterday afternoon, I was Ralphie on Christmas morning discovering that he had not gotten an official Red Ryder carbine action two-hundred shot range model air rifle, but instead a Barrett M82A1M .50 cal semi-automatic rifle with the lengthened accessory rail, rear grip and monopod socket.  And ten boxes of ammo and a range pass.

Why was I so happy? 

Because I had gotten home and after some minor difficulties gotten my precious iPhone hooked up, activated, and synced. 

Thanks to existing contractual obligations, the unreasoning greed of auto mechanics and the Federal government, and a wife who despite her manifold virtue was dubious of the clear and obvious need for my iPhone purchase I was not one of the geeks who waited in line on June 29th for an opening day iPhone.  Instead, I was a geek who had to wait six weeks like a sucker, while review after glorious review only whetted my appetite and turned the screws on the rack of my anticipation.

But having it in my sweaty palms, I find (almost to my surprise, despite having actually wasted a lunch hour in a pilgrimage to the local Apple store to fondle one) that the iPhone actually does live up to the hype.  It is literally and figuratively the Jesus phone.

I got the 8GB version, figuring that more is better in the storage department.  I loaded up almost four hundred songs, a movie, three tv shows, a complete audio book college course on the Crusades, a hundred pics of the Buckethead clan – and I still have 4.3 GB left.  Plenty of storage.

As for performance, playing with the iPhone I remembered a quote I read once from Jonathan Ives, the design guru at Apple – “when our tools are broken, we feel broken. And when somebody fixes one, we feel a tiny bit more whole.” It is staggering, after witnessing the ease of use and careful attention to detail embodied in the iPhone, to realize that in decades of cell phone design evolution, no one had ever come within a country mile of getting it right until now.  Other phones are sun-warmed piles of dung compared to the glory of this phone.

I had a decent phone – a Motorola Razr.  I appreciated above all its slenderness – if I was going to carry around a phone all the time, I might as well have one that was unobtrusive.  For dialing numbers and talking to people, it was certainly adequate.  I could press and hold “2” to talk to Mrs. Buckethead.  But if I needed to look up another number from my contacts, I was screwed.  Can’t do but one thing at a time.

Adding contacts was nightmarish, typing on the tiny number pad and being prompted at each change.  Using the internet was a painful and expensive joke.  The only function other than talking that I used at all regularly was the calculator.

Now I realize that the Razr was not a smart phone.  But friends of mine have had smart phones, and I’ve played with them, and they are pretty much just as user hostile as mine was – just user hostile over a broader range of functionality.

In the last 24 hours or so, I’ve:

  • Watched a movie, Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow
  • Watched Aqua Teen Hunger Force (“Circus”) and the Soup.
  • Gotten and replied to dozens of emails
  • Talked to my mom
  • Read many articles on the internets, including this one
  • Listened to lots of Johnny Cash
  • Consulted the weather in several cities
  • Used the map function to locate stuff, and navigate there
  • Set the timer for no good reason
  • And, gotten Mrs. Buckethead angry for setting her personalized ringtone to “bark”

In any given 24 hour period in the last decade or so, I might have used a computer to accomplish most if not all of those tasks.  But forty pounds of computer equipment does not travel well, and the wireless router in my office does not reach several miles to the nearest town – let alone fit comfortably in your pocket.

The stunning thing is that all of these tasks were accomplished gracefully, easily, even joyfully.  I’ve found myself just switching between applications to watch the animations.  I am a techwriter by trade, so it is perhaps disturbing to realize that this thing does not need a manual.  It is that intuitive – nothing is arcane, obscure or clearly not designed to be used by humans. 

Which makes you want to use all the various thingies and gadgets, because they are flat out fun to use.  And so well designed, that even this website looks better on the iPhone than it does on a 24” monitor on my desk.  (It also makes you crave more applications.) I knew how to access and use most of the applications on my Motorola phone, I just didn’t use them because it was entirely too much of a pain in the ass to actually use them. 

All other phones are broken, and this one is not.  And of the two major worries that many had – the keyboard and the battery life – I have no complaints on either score.  I’m already getting pretty fast on the typing, and I’m just about to recharge it for the first time. 

This is one kick ass, highly enslickened, gorgeous piece of technological gimcrackery.  I recommend it highly. 


Posted by Buckethead on 08/09/07 at 12:59 AM
That Buck Rogers Stuff • Permalink

Saturday, August 04, 2007

When engineers go bad

FakeBlogging

image

I don’t know about any of you, but I’ve worked with “that guy” more times than I can count.


Posted by Patton on 08/04/07 at 04:30 PM
FakeBlogging • Permalink

Sunday, July 29, 2007

Question and Answer Time with Drunkle John

EntertainmentPerfidy RespondsThe Miracle of Science

Apparently Google works, because some enterprising soul found a two-year old post of mine about infusing vodkas and had some questions about the construction of cayenne vodka. Well, Drunkle John is here to help!!

Amelia S. writes:

> Hello,
>
> I read your blog post from a loooong time ago about making infused vodkas.  Apparently, you have cornered the online market for cayenne pepper vodka recipes.  I grew some cayennes this year and want to make vodka, so I have a couple of questions for you:
>
> 1) If I only used a single cayenne, do you think that would tone down the heat?
> 2) Just out of curiosity, what do you think would happen if I left the pepper in the bottle permanently?  I ask because I think it would be pretty.  But, perhaps, deadly.
> 3) How did your ginger, orange, cranberry, and poblano vodkas turn out??
>
> Loved your post.  Will probably link to it in my blog soon enough.  smile
>
> - Amelia


Posted by Johno on 07/29/07 at 04:04 PM
Entertainment • Perfidy Responds • The Miracle of Science • Permalink

Thursday, July 26, 2007

Top Ten Greatest Books of All Time About Guys Named Steve

FakeBlogging

From Letterman:

10.  War and Peace and Steve
9.  The Seven Habits of Highly Successful Steves
8.  The Grapes of Steve
7.  The Steves of Wrath
6.  Steve Grapes Steve Wrath Steve Steve
5.  Men are From Mars, Women are From Venus, Steve is From Cleveland
4.  Where’s Waldo?  Is He With Steve?
3.  Time Life Mysteries of the Unknown, Volume VIII:  “Mysterious Guys Named Steve”
2.  The Joy of Sex with Steve
1.  The Bible (King Steve Version)


Posted by Buckethead on 07/26/07 at 05:46 PM
FakeBlogging • Permalink

Come dig a hole in Wyoming!

Just So You Know

We come to the end of our educational series, “Alternate State Mottoes for Stupid States” with a state that is last on many lists, no matter how ordered, Wyoming.  There is surprisingly much to say about a state that 99.83% of America’s population has wisely chosen not to live in:

  • Come dig a hole in Wyoming!
  • The Cowboy State.  Other Village People not allowed
  • WyOMFG!
  • ET’s Summer Home
  • Cedant arma togae
  • First to make the tactical error of allowing women to vote
  • Less is more.  But more is more, too
  • Square, but fun
  • Rodeo riding is not gay
  • Don’t Feed Grizzly Bears.  They Eat People.
  • Don’t Feed Cowboys.  They Eat People.
  • The other square state
  • Home of the majestic jackalope
  • Largely Balrog Free
  • Woefully underdeveloped and tragically cowboyified
  • Come for the arid emptiness, stay for the arid emptiness
  • Save a horse, ride a Wyomingite
  • Yogi lives in Jellystone Park, fucko
  • Got Geothermal Activity?
  • Join the Dick Cheney Memorial Hunt Club and bag a lawyer!
  • No limit on lawyers!
  • It’s Wyoming, Baby
  • It takes decades of training to become a competent cowpoker
  • Brokeback Mountain is in Faggotty Colorado
  • In Bauxite, the Future
  • Rocky Mountain Oysters, it’s what’s for dinner
  • We Love Our Congressman
  • The Diversity State, if by Diversity you mean lots of white folk in jeans and cowboy hats
  • Land of a perverse number of mountains
  • Like No Place on Earth.  That’s not a good thing.
  • Not Much, And Lots Of It
  • Land of Wary Glances
  • Big Fats
  • A Rocky Mountain New Jersey
  • The Suffering State
  • With this few people, you’d think it’d be harder to find assholes
  • Flat Is Where It’s At
  • Say “Wynot?” and I’ll pop a cap in your ass
  • The Dwarrodelf
  • Jackson Hole isn’t as bad as it sounds
  • I Live In Wyoming. Please Kill Me.
  • Proving You Don’t Need A City To Be A State
  • Where men are lonely and sheep are scared
  • 48% Government Owned
  • Alice doesn’t live here anymore
  • Gateway to Utah

[Wik]Don’t worry, your alternate motto fun is not completely dead - there are plans in the works to attack Puerto Rico and our Nation’s capitol, and our crack team of researchers is looking into new and innovative ways to ridicule Europeans.


Posted by Buckethead on 07/26/07 at 05:36 PM
Just So You Know • Permalink

Tuesday, July 24, 2007

It’d be more like a blog if there were actual, you know, posts

Just So You KnowWar

While it may surprise you, gentle reader, to hear that I am again guest posting on MO, considering that I am barely posting on this, my own website, the fact is that I have been Rossed to a large degree over the last couple weeks.  The end is in sight (or at least the headlight of the oncoming train) and my time for blogging should be substantially greater in the immediate future.  Unless I pick up all those freelance gigs I’m chasing.  Anyways, here is the first of this week’s Murdoc Online guest posts:

Greetings again, fellow Murdoc-cultists.  The great and powerful Murdoc is once again goofing off, and has asked me to take up the slack with a few posts for you to educate and amuse yourself, and to productively use your time at work. 

Our first topic is the troubled V-22 Osprey Tilt-Rotor, which is flying right over my head as we speak.  The 418th flight test squadron out of Edwards in California has temporarily relocated to the tiny, tiny airport in Winchester, Va, only a half hour from my fastness in the wilderness.  If you follow this link here, you can watch a very small video that shows some CV-22’s landing and whatnot, and hear the reporter mispronounce several words.

The reason the Ospreys are in my neck of the woods is simple.  They need the bad weather that California simply refuses to provide.  In particular, they’re looking for fog in which to test their terrain guidance systems.  There’s typically a lot of fog up here, so they shouldn’t have too much trouble.

The Air Force version isn’t scheduled to enter service until 2009, but the Marine MV-22 will be heading to Iraq in September.

I haven’t actually seen one yet, they’re actually flying a bit west of where I live.  I am thinking of driving the boy up to the airport to see if we can catch a glimpse of one of those, and if I do, I’ll post pics if I can get some decent ones.


Posted by Buckethead on 07/24/07 at 03:49 PM
Just So You Know • War • Permalink

Saturday, July 21, 2007

Stephen Colbert Gets It

That Buck Rogers StuffWar


Posted by Buckethead on 07/21/07 at 11:18 AM
That Buck Rogers Stuff • War • Permalink

Friday, July 20, 2007

Correcting a recent dearth of iPhone posts

FakeBlogging

[Wik] Not that I have a dog in this race, but I found myself thinking it would be fairly cool if the blender had broken and he’d been impaled by one or more iPhone parts. Nothing against Blender Guy, of course, and I’m sure that attitude is just a compensation for all the WWE & NASCAR I don’t watch.


Posted by Patton on 07/20/07 at 02:21 PM
FakeBlogging • Permalink

Happy Moon Conquest Day, 2007!

That Buck Rogers Stuff

NASA’s site commemorating the 30th anniversary of the Apollo landing read, “On July 20, 1969, the human race accomplished its single greatest technological achievement of all time when a human first set foot on another celestial body.”

But the NASA text, and other sources, typically ignore one important and obvious detail:

We CONQUERED it!

image

The British created a world spanning empire through the simple expedient of planting the Union Jack on soil inhabited by wogs who didn’t know that flags meant ownership.  Benighted natives woke to British officers telling them that they now lived in the British Empire.  When they disputed this, the officers merely pointed at the flag and said, “See, there’s the flag.  England.” And when they continued to disagree, there was always the Maxim gun.  In keeping with this grand tradition of symbolic declaration strecthing back millenia (but without getting too into the semiotics of possession) our guy put our flag up there- so it’s ours!  Happily for the granola crunchy set, there were no Lunar aborigines that needed to be convinced more… strenuously.

Today is the 38th anniversary of that glorious event, when not just homo sapiens in general, but specifically God-fearing Amurricans left the cradle of Earth to begin the conquest of heaven.  We sent men into space on a tower of fire, backed with nothing more than whiz-wheels, slide-rulers, and less computing power than my car’s fuel injector.  A relatively modest start, some might say - the Moon being low-hanging fruit, solar system wise - but it was a start nonetheless on the long road to interstellar domination.

And someday, when Old Glory waves on 10,000 worlds and our mighty fleets cruise the galaxy, our fair descendants will look back at the Moon and Apollo as the start of it all.  The only question is how they’ll fit all those stars on the flag.

Huzzah!  Huzzah!  For the bonnie striped flag borne by a single moon!


Posted by GeekLethal on 07/20/07 at 12:10 PM
That Buck Rogers Stuff • Permalink

Thursday, July 19, 2007

Eat Your Heart Out, Dave Chappelle

Holy Shit!Music Wonkery

So there’s this website I am doing some work for, that’s run by the Herb Alpert Foundation. Yes, that Herb Alpert as if there were any other.

In any event, while cruising through the site’s content library I recently came across proof positive that being old kicks ass. Some of you may have heard of Teo Macero, the legendary jazz producer who basically helped Miles Davis invent like four kinds of jazz, plus fusion, funk and electronic besides. Well, he’s old now and kind of cantankerous. But he’s got awesome stories.

Watch this great clip of Teo talking about working with Miles Davis, and wait for the part where he says “so I said book it, you white motherfucker!”

I’m g-dd-mn dying here, with the laughing. You can’t make Blazing Saddles today, and you can’t tell that kind of story if you’re under sixty-five. Absolutely priceless.


Posted by Johno on 07/19/07 at 08:37 PM
Holy Shit! • Music Wonkery • Permalink

Start Wearing Purple!

Music Wonkery

Gogol Bordello, if you are even less cool than I am, is an amazing gypsy punk band out of NYC. It’s a mix of klezmer and thrash punk. Or as I put it last night, it’s punk music with an actual melody.

Everyone has their favorite, the violinist, the bass player, the lead guitarist, the dancers, etc.

I’d never heard their music till I went to the show. Everyone I know went last year and said it was by far the best show they’d seen in ages and no one had a bad thing to say about them, so when tickets went on sale, I bought them blind. It did not disappoint at all. I haven’t rocked out like that in I don’t know how long, at least a year. I haven’t truly danced and thrashed like that in years. I can tell I should pop a Tylenol now because it’s going to hurt.

My friend R, put it well:

Everyone, please STOMP extra hard for me, wear your combat boots, dance with big legs, and crowd surf! Then, tell me who won the concert!

I can tell you without a doubt, I won the concert. It was amazingly high energy, melodic, funny, exciting, electrifying.

There aren’t that many US tour dates left. Most of them are on the West coast, but if you can go, GO! GO! GO! DAMMIT!


Posted by Mapgirl on 07/19/07 at 01:43 AM
Music Wonkery • Permalink

Tuesday, July 17, 2007

Q: Why Is the Ground Sticky in Europe?

Darwin Award ContenderPartisan Politics

A: Because the muslims just won’t stop coming!!!

So, check out this utterly entertaining tale from Britain’s Independent of one journalist’s voyage on the National Review’s recent reader cruise. Every sentence contains a new nugget of outrageousness that should have sprung from the pen of a young Tom Wolfe, or T. Coraghessen Boyle, or any other fiction writer whose stock in trade is wacky cruelty, not from a publication that despite its biases still must cling to some version of reality-as-lived.

The set-pieces are iconic: William Buckley, the founder of the magazine and grey eminence of American Conservatism, sulking shunned and mocked in his cabin as his movementarians flock around the spittle-flecked beard of Norman Podhoretz. The leggy blonde suntanner advocating gassing a few liberals to show them the consequences of treason, in the same distracted way as one might wonder if they could go for a nice mojito right about now. Mark Steyn at a table of admirers, holding forth on the brown tide threatening to subsume the white purity of Albion, and the rest of Europe too.

Go read this, and get a glimpse of a world in which George Bush is a steel-spined visionary hero, ululating hordes of sandaled beasts spit Betel nuts (or date pits… it’s so hard to know what these brown people chew… do they chew Betel nuts or is that hashish?) at the very feet of l’Arc de Triomphe, and American liberals wake every morning with their hearts rising toward Mecca, fresh for another day of materially supporting America’s sworn enemies.


Posted by Johno on 07/17/07 at 03:40 PM
Darwin Award Contender • Partisan Politics • Permalink

Two Questions

FakeBlogging

What did the thousands of moths who kamikaze my porch lights do before there were porch lights?

And, what did four year old boys obsess about before we invented cars, trucks, trains and planes?

[Wik] The highly educated and fearsomely well-read NDR sent me a brief footnoted note to the effect that a thousand years ago, Swedes were killing each other over religion.

One thousand years ago Sweden was, in fact, in the midst a protracted process of conversion (as well as throughout Scandinavia).  Until the late 12th century there were still bloody encounters between Christians and pagans.  These conflicts form the backdrop of Bergman’s Virgin Spring and Undset’s Gunnar’s Daughter.

To which I replied,

I think you misunderstood my intentions in that post.  Yes, they were in the midst of a protracted religious struggle.  Exactly.  They were killing each other, so the issue of “trying to assimilate” would have been a complete non starter.

And, they were Vikings then, not watered down euro-weenies.  It’s only in the last few hundred years that Swedes (or anyone, for that matter) have realized that when your only tool for argument is an ax, all problems look like necks.

I didn’t have any movies to quote though.  Thinking a bit further on the matter, religious conflict is, by way of gross misunderestimation, a huge problem globally and throughout history.  Most people seem to imagine that most conflicts are about greed or economics.  Of course for the Marxists, that’s being redundant.  If not money, then power or political ideals.  This may be true for some leaders.  But the people - and many leaders - are not quite so cynical as we are.  Many of the leaders in the Thirty Years’ War certainly claimed that they were following God’s will in smiting the heretics.  And there is little doubt that many were convinced of the truth of their religious beliefs, to the point of motivating them to follow those leaders regardless of their “true” motivation.

In the whole world, there are only a few places, and only for the last four hundred years, that have proved even mildly immune to the temptation to go a-smiting.  I leave it as an exercise for the reader to determine where the home countries of those recent immigrants to Sweden fall in that classification scheme.


Posted by Buckethead on 07/17/07 at 03:38 PM
FakeBlogging • Permalink
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