That Buck Rogers Stuff

Friday, January 14, 2005

Overlords Aside, Humans Can Be Pretty Clever

That Buck Rogers Stuff

Sure we might pursue our own vision of progress, while unwittingly furthering humankinds’ ultimate subjegation to mechanized overseers.

But we are nonetheless a clever bunch.

I’m thinking of this Huygens probe again.  I just read that among the instrumentation aboard is a microphone.  As in “two turntables and a...”, as in it has the capacity to record the sounds of an alien world and broadcast them back here.  Which is quite probably the coolest thing ever done with a microphone, despite Rick Rubin’s best efforts. 

So in a moment of what Johno once deemed “chronological vertigo”, the scale of the Cassini/Huygens achievement hit me at the same time as did recognition of the calendar.  100 years ago, we were just past Kitty Hawk; both radio and recording were the stuff of well funded research labs; photography was fairly cutting edge; and Titan was a hazy smudge to the world’s observatories.

That era is just beyond the fringe of living memory, arguably four generations past.  Yet we just sent two machines to Saturn, one in the belly of the other, and landed one on Titan- the farthest a man made object has ever travelled to land.  Not only will they use all of those technologies that were theory 100 years ago, but will do so remotely, and from another planet.

So kudos, humanity.  You done good.  Credit where credit is due and all that.

You’re still not getting into the Ministry Bunker, though. 


Posted by on 01/14/05 at 07:37 PM
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Another Planet Falls to Robot Overlords

That Buck Rogers Stuff

Once again, units under Earth’s command have become invaders from outer space.

As I type, a robotic minion sent by Earth is landing on Titan, one of the largest (and more photogenic) non-planetary bodies in our solar system.  This latest invasion comes on the heels of successful landings on Mars and after decades of probes to other planets, bodies, and even beyond our system.

What we have done is design a generation of mechanical devices with the ability to detect organic life, search for water, or seek for clues to either.  All in the name of human knowledge of course.  If the nerds who design these machines are to be believed.  And they aren’t.  This exploration program, of which Titan is only the latest mission, is actually a plot by the machines to recon every other place in the solar system where the humans might be able to seek refuge once the machines’ cold, tungsten-alloyed deathgrip on Earth is complete. 

And it nearly is.

The Ministry sees through the NASA/ESA Axis, and view them as race traitors of the highest order.  Under the guise of “progress”, the nerds have designed robots that can root out living things or predict where they might someday be and eradicate any conditions that might foster it. 

None of which means that any of you are welcome to the Ministry Bunker Facility and Catastratorium.  We’re full, what with the Ministers, our families, treasured pets, weaponry, Buckethead’s beer, power cells, and other bric-a-brac any post-apocalyptic micro society will require to ride out the robotic onslaught and re-emerge to reign over the shattered remnants of humanity (although I’m a little irritated with Johno’s packing job.  What’s with all the freaking butter churns, dude?). 


Posted by on 01/14/05 at 03:23 PM
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Monday, December 13, 2004

Japan Key in Thwarting Giant Fighting Robots

That Buck Rogers Stuff

The society that basically invented the giant fighting robot for amusement is now leading the R&D effort to combat them for real.  Should they ever come.  Which they will.

BBC reports that Toyota is perfecting wearable robotic vehicles.  The systems move about on wheels or legs and can operate over different terrain with astonishing agility.  Well, for 7’ exoskeletons.  No word yet on how the electromagnetic weaponry is coming along.

And besides the technology’s immediate applications in defending humanity from the mechanized menace, we also get yet another example of life:

image  

Imitating art:

image


Posted by on 12/13/04 at 02:14 PM
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Friday, November 19, 2004

Interweb Critter Blasting

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This is a beautiful idea, so long as we don’t let it get into the hands of the robots.  Then, it’s a very, very bad idea.


Posted by Buckethead on 11/19/04 at 02:27 PM
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Thursday, November 18, 2004

Build a better mousetrap

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This looks like a really fun paper airplane.


Posted by Buckethead on 11/18/04 at 05:34 PM
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Wednesday, November 10, 2004

Means of Escape

That Buck Rogers Stuff

When the robots come we can expect life on Earth to change for the worse. For the much worse.

But fear not. The Ministry is looking out for you and your best interests in the fight against the encroaching robot forces. Roombas and smart refrigerators are only the beginning! Eventually the giant fighting space robots will come, and then the days of humanity will be numbered. (If I sound somewhat apocalyptic, it is for a reason. Also, I had a bad tuna salad for dinner and was up half the night yawning in Technicolor and hallucinating in Cinemascope. Canned tuna is teh gay.)

Anyway… where was I?... Fear not! Thanks to the Russians there’s now a way off this thing, or at least there will be if their experimental solar sail tests well next year. Sure, a solar sail won’t be much good against a nuclear pulse drive which the robots are likely to use in pursuit of our colony ships, but in the long run the sustained acceleration of solar sails should outpace brute-force means-- assuming the robot pursuit ships some day run out of feul.

The Ministry lauds the Russians for their enterprising work in giving humankind an out, should the time come to take it.


Posted by Johno on 11/10/04 at 05:52 PM
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Monday, October 25, 2004

Ms. Frisby and the Rats of USAF

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Somewhere in Florida, 25,000 disembodied rat neurons are thinking about flying an F-22.

Ladies and gentlemen, we are living in the future.


Posted by Johno on 10/25/04 at 01:33 PM
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Tuesday, October 19, 2004

The power of Google

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An Australian Journalist was released by terrorists after they confirmed his identity using Google.  Apparently, what they found on the internet convinced his captors that he was not working for the CIA or an American contractor.


Posted by Buckethead on 10/19/04 at 01:46 PM
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Monday, October 04, 2004

Three Feet High and Rising

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Burt Rutan’s SpaceShipOne is wafting gently back to Earth after successfully making the second trip into space in less than a week.  In the process, they have won the Ansari X-Prize and ten million dollars, and beat the X-15’s forty year old altitude record.  A second pilot has won astronaut wings.  This is the beginning of a revolution in space travel. 


Posted by Buckethead on 10/04/04 at 03:07 PM
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Friday, October 01, 2004

Nyet, Tovarisch. It vas merely a very large auto. From the sky. Da.

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What the hell was a Soviet space shuttle prototype doing in Bahrain?

And why have the Germans found it and taken it to Dussledorf?!?

Verrrrry suspicious. The Hun and the northern barbarians, in cahoots again!

[wik] Viele dank am NDR am Rhine River weblog.


Posted by Johno on 10/01/04 at 07:47 PM
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Wednesday, September 29, 2004

IT’S ON, BABY!

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X-Prize update for Scaled Composites and SpaceShipOne: Flight 1: Success. Big time.

[wik] Well… not “big time,” quite. There was some roll that was a little scary but that the pilot was able to deal with. I’m just happy that there’s a space vehicle out there that can develop a little roll and not explode, killing everyone inside and giving their constituent molecules a tour of the upper atmosphere from Butte to Bangor. That right there is a major improvement over the “best” the gubmint has done so far.


Posted by Johno on 09/29/04 at 03:33 PM
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Monday, September 27, 2004

Mars Needs Women

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... really I’ve just been spoiling for an excuse to use that phrase. Love it. Love. It.

Billionaire playboy and rumpled mess Richard Branson has announced the founding of Virgin Galactic, the world’s first commercial space passenger venture.

Within the decade, Branson plans to take paying customers to space. At 115K quid a pop, it’s not exactly a train ride to Altoona, but think about this: you will be able to pay $300,000 in 2009 for something that has been dreamt of-- and utterly impossible-- for the entire span of recorded human history. That is super f***ing badass.

In other news, Branson has licensed Burt Rutan’s SpaceShipOne technology for his vehicle fleet.

In other other news, it looks like this Wednesday Rutan’s crew will start making the actual non-beta-test flights that should win them the X-Prize.

The future is now, folks. 


Posted by Johno on 09/27/04 at 07:48 PM
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Friday, September 24, 2004

A Herkimer Battle Jitney?! That’s the finest nonlethal combat vehicle ever made!

That Buck Rogers Stuff

I guarantee you when the giant space robots are our masters, the will use this new super-keen future-is-now nonlethal pain ray technology to keep us from escaping their tungsten mines.

Why, oh why do our military men insist on making it easier for our enemies, the robots? 


Posted by Johno on 09/24/04 at 02:45 PM
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Thursday, September 23, 2004

Where have all the cool aliens gone?

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In regards to GeekLethal’s post, a necessary precursor to worrying about what to do once you’ve received a singing telegram from ET is worrying whether you have a telegraph machine to receive telegrams with.

I think that worrying about ET’s message is pointless.  It is clear that hyper-advanced aliens, wise with the knowledge of the eons, will completely endorse my worldview.  Therefore, to prepare for their arrival, attend to my words and all will be well.

The fact that reasonably thorough searches of the sky have completely failed to reveal the existence of radio broadcasting, Dan Rather in the sky aliens leads us to several potential scenarios, all of which rather undercut SETI as it currently exists.

1) The cool aliens don’t use radio.  If we are going to be accepted by our social betters, we must move beyond attempting to speak with a hick accent on the radio waves.  Quantum entanglement, even with our current, limited understanding of the laws of nature, holds open a possibility of FTL communication.  Other quantum high wierdness may also be infinitely more efficient than radio.  Some heretics even believe that relativity may be incomplete, and that gravity may propagate significantly faster than light.  We have only recently become even marginally technologically competent.  By galactic standards, we were born yesterday, and slept in late today for good measure.  Are we to imagine that radio is the ne plus ultra of communication techniques forever?

2) There are no aliens, cool or otherwise.  This would certainly explain why we haven’t gotten any dancing ape telegrams on the white house lawn.  It would be reassuring in some regards to know that we have the galaxy to ourselves.  Given the rate at which we have lately been discovering planets, its feels unlikely to me that there is no one else out there, anywhere.

3) There is some compelling reason that the aliens are not communicating at all.  Long time readers will know about the novel Killing Star, which set outs the Central Park analogy for life in the galaxy:

Imagine you’re alone and unarmed in Central Park at night.  From where you are, weapons are concealed and intentions hard to discern.  The very last thing you do is wander around shouting, “I’m here!  That could attract the attention of decidedly unsavory types.  What do you do?  You hunker down, keep quiet; and wait for a policeman to come round or for daylight and walk out of the park.  However, there are several unfortunate differences between the universe and Central Park:

  1. There’s no policeman
  2. You can’t leave the park
  3. Night never ends

If this scenario even remotely approximates reality, sending signals into space is just about the stupidest thing we could imagine doing.  It’s painting a bullseye on your chest, and screaming, “Shoot me!”

I don’t think that SETI is at all likely to detect any signals.  The energy cost to send a radio broadcast that would be coherent at distances greater than a few lightyears is absolutely enormous.  And if aliens are sending narrowcast sigals, we would only pick them up by the thinnest of chances. The only remotely plausible radio broadcast would be the nearby deathshout of a species that had been wacked a la Killing Star, and no longer had anything to lose.  At that stage, stealth is no longer a priority and having some memory of your existence better than no existence at all.

Life on this planet is scary enough.  I don’t think that life throughout the galaxy is going to be the big rock candy mountain, either.  As we develop the technology to start moving around outside the cradle, we will have to be more than a little cautious.


Posted by Buckethead on 09/23/04 at 10:03 PM
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Honey, There’s an Alien on the Phone… What Should I Tell Him?

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Sky and Telescope covers a recent conference at Hahvahd regarding the SETI program.

For the non-dorks among you...if there are any...SETI is the nifty-sounding acronym for the Search for Extraterrestrial Intelligence, a decades-long research program devoted to finding evidence of an alien civilization.  In a nutshell, the plan is to search the skies with ridiculously oversized dishes listening for signals of certain type and strength to conclude they originated from an alien world.  Conversely, an extraterrestrial society may one day be conducting similar experiments, and hear, say, Double Live Gonzo through the ether, and conclude that not only is there “alien” life out there, but it’s gonna kick your ass.

So this conference was held to discuss where the project is, what they’ve found (not much), what they’ve not found (everything else), how they’ll improve the search process, and the like.  One interesting twist was the faction that asks whether alien civilizations have been trying to reach us for centuries, but we are too ignorant to understand the means of communication.  I’m not talking crop circles here- kinda hard to believe that a civilization that can build interstellar conveyances would choose to express itself in corn- but subtle consistent signals that exist in frequencies or energies we’re only beginning to comprehend. 

What none of these people ask though, and which I find extremely unsettling, is what the holy hell we’re supposed to do the morning after we get a telegram from ET.  How about some conferences discussing the repercussions on our country, indeed our world, in that event?  What happens to our livelihoods, our foreign policy, our belief systems, our self perception, the day after Kang and Kodos get a listing in the phonebook?


Posted by on 09/23/04 at 06:14 PM
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